Crossing Lines

44. Not in a hot way

After a long and tiring day all I wanted was to sleep. But there was one thing I wanted slightly more than sleep and that was to be alone.

Our first playoff game was coming up on Saturday and I should be excited and hopeful but I knew what would happen when we stepped on that field. Before I walked into coaches office and reported Justin we had a chance at winning at least a few playoff games but now our chances were gone. It wasn't just the absence of our best receiver that ruined our season. The problem laid with my teammates reaction to the news of coach kicking Justin from the team.

I had to deal with them turning on me. There was a good portion of the team who sided with my decision but there were enough players who were angry at me to destroy the team. They refused to listen to me and fought every second of practice. We weren't working as a team and I knew it would lead to us losing this weekend.

I'd walked out of the disaster of a practice needing to get away from it all. So that's how I ended up at Jake's house on a night I didn't have plans to see him. He was studying and stuffing his face with his dinner when I walked into his room. Tonight seemed to be a night where he wasn't even taking a break for meals.

I really needed to get my hands on that planner again.

"Can you strangle me and not in a hot way?" I threw myself down on his bed.

"I'm guessing practice went well." He replied standing up and making his way over to join me on the bed.

"Oh it was a complete disaster. If I ever have to step on a football field again it will be a lifetime too soon." I complained.

"You have to step out on the field this weekend." He reminded me.

"Take my place?" I pouted at my boyfriend.

"You know I would."

I immediately felt like shit. I knew how much Jake loved the game. I had walked in here complaining about a situation Jake would have killed to be in. His season was over and even if it wasn't he was still injured and couldn't walk out on that field. I shouldn't be complaining to him.

"Sorry, I should be happy." I tried to shake all the frustration out of me.

"Stop, don't pretend to be happy when you aren't. Don't do that for me."

I just nodded knowing I had promised myself to try with Jake. I needed to let him in a little and that included me not masking feelings just to make him feel better. I was used to trying to please others and shaping myself to fit what they wanted. I needed to try to break out of that habit so I didn't end up completely unrecognizable.

"I feel like shit, can I stay over?" I asked him really wanting the sleep I came here to get.

"You don't even have to ask." Jake pressed his lips against mine, it was a short kiss but it still helped ease a lot of the stress that was still buzzing through my body from practice.

I felt myself starting to shut down. I was physically and emotionally exhausted so I pulled away from Jake to get ready to sleep. I'd stayed at Jake's enough to be able to do my night routine here without thinking. Jake had an extra toothbrush here and I learned what clothes were his pretty quick.

Once I brushed my teeth and changed into a pair of Jake's shorts I climbed back into the bed.

As tired as I was I couldn't sleep yet. I was still wired from practice so I just laid there next to Jake and tried to relax. Jake seemed to know I was still tense and ran a soothing hand up and down my side. His touch helped a lot and I focused on it.

His hand stopped the up and down pattern to move across my skin. I felt him rub circles against a spot on the side of my lower back. It didn't take long for me to remember what was there.

The nasty scar on the bottom of my right side was not something easily missed. I was surprised Jake had never mentioned it but with the way he was running his fingers around the area I was already preparing for the question.

"How'd you get this?" He asked.

I'd told the lie enough I barely had to think as it tumbled out of my mouth.

"Slipped and fell."

I didn't want to elaborate. I didn't want Jake to know the story behind that. I hadn't slipped. I remember the sting on my cheek as I fell back onto the floor of the kitchen. I'd fallen so many times over the years but this time there was a shattered cup at my feet. There's been nothing I could do to stop the impact and the glass from slicing into my side.

But the scar wouldn't have been bad if it weren't for what happened after the fall.

I held in a scream as the stabbing pain returned.

"Stop stop." I muttered against the fabric in my mouth.

"I'm almost done sweetheart." My moms soothing voice filled my ears and I tried to relax but it was hopeless.

There was no relaxing as the needle sunk back into my skin as she tried to stitch my skin back together. The pain was blinding but with every breath I took it was one breath closer to it being over. My body shook as my mother finished with my side.

"All done." She said and then poured the alcohol over the wound.

I let out a muffled scream as my cut burned. I was so tired of the pain but the alcohol meant she was done cleaning it up. I was finished I didn't need to sit through this anymore.

"You did so good." My mom pulled the fabric out of my mouth that was covering the sounds of my screams.

"Hurts." I rasped out.

"I know." She gave me a sad smile and then leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

I didn't have the energy to say anything else so I just laid there as the tears slipped down my face.

"I love you Evan." Her hand went to my hair sweeping it off my sweaty forehead.

"I love you too Ma." My voice was practically a whisper and once the words were out I closed my eyes letting the darkness take me.

I blinked away the memory. I couldn't tell Jake about that so I kept my mouth shut. I was lucky that he didn't push. I really didn't think I could lie if he asked any more questions.

"You know I've been thinking." Jake prompted and I happily took the subject change.

"About what?" I questioned.

"Christmas break, I was wondering what your plans are."

Dread filled my body. I didn't want to talk or even think about Christmas break. I knew I couldn't ignore it because it was coming up but it was a problem I didn't want to deal with.

"I usually just go home." I replied.

"I want to see you. I don't want to spend a month apart. I can't go that long without seeing your face."

There was a zero percent chance I was inviting Jake to my house but the other option was going to Jake's house and that meant meeting his parents. Was I really ready for that? What if they hated me?

"We could FaceTime." I told him.

"My family throws a New Year's Eve get together, it's pretty small but maybe you could come." He ignored my suggestion.

"I don't know." I hesitated. "I'll think about it."

I didn't want my own fears to get in the way of Jake and I. I couldn't ruin this so if that meant meeting his parents I'd need to suck it up. Jake's parents would probably like me.

Probably.

"I'll send you my address."

"I haven't even said yes." I laughed.

"I'm being optimistic." Jake just shrugged.

I knew I'd end up spending time with him during break. I couldn't stay away for that long. I wanted to see him just as much as he wanted to see me. I could swallow the fears for Jake.

I'd do just about anything for Jake.