Crossing Lines

49. My boyfriend

Being at home was so different than being at school. I'd spent days feeling hollow and beat down. I'd tried to get out of the house as much as I could but I didn't talk to anyone I went to high school with anymore. I'd been a different person then, I was in the closet and totally miserable. I hadn't surrounded myself with good people.

So mostly I was stuck in this house. Luckily my dad was gone most of the day at work. I'd also spent as much time as I could talking to Jake. He was busy with his family but we texted as much as we could and at night I'd sit in my room talking to him on the phone.

The reprieve of not having to spend time with my family was coming to an end. Christmas Eve was tomorrow and I couldn't avoid them during the holidays.

I walked downstairs to find my mom sat in the kitchen reading and drinking her coffee. Avoiding my family meant I didn't really get to spend time with my mom. I wanted to be able to talk to her but I was too scared my father would show up.

Now I knew we had some time and I wanted to see her before the holidays happened. I was planning on leaving to go see Jake for the new year so I only had so much time with my parents before that happened.

"Evan, good morning." My mom smiled at me.

"Good morning Ma." I joined her at the table. "What are you reading?"

"Just this mystery book, Jan from down the street recommended it to me." She turned the book to show me the cover.

I just nodded. I didn't really know how to talk to my mom. As close as we were when I was growing up it'd been too long since we really sat down just the two of us.

The silence was filled with my phone dinging with a text. I looked down at the screen and couldn't stop the smile from spreading on my face at Jake's text.

Jake- I made the mistake of telling my mom that you like cheesecake, I woke up to chaos.

Attached to the text was a picture of Jake's kitchen. It was a total mess, ingredients spread out everywhere. It was so strange to see, I wasn't used to someone going through all that effort for me.

"What's got you all smiley?" My mom prompted.

I looked down at my phone trying to decide if this was a part of my life I wanted to share. I'd hid my sexuality from my parents for a reason. I knew how it would go if I told my father but my mom was completely different. I had no clue what would happen if I decided to tell her.

Part of me was so tired of living this lie with them. I wanted to be myself just once. I wanted my mom to know exactly who her son was and like what she sees.

"It's just a text from a friend," I paused not liking the word friend for Jake. It didn't fit him and I didn't want to lie anymore. "My boyfriend actually, his mom is trying to make a cheesecake for when I visit for New Years."

"Your boyfriend?" She asked her face showing the shock of my words.

Nerves turned my stomach this could go so wrong and I didn't know how I'd handle it if it did. No matter what she was my mom and I didn't want to lose her.

"Um yeah." I nodded.

"I didn't-, I didn't know you liked guys." She shifted in her seat.

It felt like it wasn't going well. I could read the shocked expression on her face. She hadn't smiled at me or tried to assure me that things were ok.

"I was nervous to tell you." I confessed.

I had already dropped the bomb there was no reason to start lying now. It was time to stop pretending to be something I wasn't.

"Well I'm glad you decided to tell me." She gave me a soft smile and laid her hand gently over mine.

The relief was instantaneous. This was how I wanted it to go. I wanted her to still love me no matter what. Sometimes it felt like I was asking for too much, like expecting my own mother to love me despite everything was unrealistic. But having her smile at me after coming out to her felt like a win.

"Yeah me too." I agreed.

"Happy looks good on you." She squeezed my hand lightly in reassurance.

She was right. I knew that I'd never been happier than I was now with Jake. He brought out the best side in me and helped pull me out of the darkness.

"Thanks Ma." I smiled feeling happy in my childhood home for the first time in years.

"Well I've got to start doing laundry before it gets too late. Let me know if you want me to make you something to eat."

"I'm fine I can make my own breakfast." I told her.

She gave my hand one last pat before standing up and walking out of the kitchen.

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Telling my mom had been a huge step but I could feel myself slowly starting to settle into the real me. I didn't feel as unrecognizable in this house as I did when I woke up.

I wanted to ride out on the high of this win. So instead of spiraling about anything with my parents I pressed on Jake's contact and brought the phone to my ear. I just needed to hear his voice.

"Mornin'" Jake's voice was muffled through the phone.

"Why do you sound like that?" I questioned.

"Speed eating because I'm going to be late which is somehow my fault and not my moms for making me clean the kitchen when I should have been getting ready." He rambled.

I'd forgotten that today was the day. Jake was going to get his cast off today and I think I was just as excited about that as he was.

"I doubt you're going to be late, what time is your appointment?"

Jake tended to be places at least fifteen minutes early always. He planned around disasters that never happened. So his version of late was definitely still on time.

"10:30." He answered his voice muffled around the food he was still stuffing into his face.

"You have an hour and half, you can eat at a normal speed." I teased.

I listened as Jake sighed softly through the phone.

"I wish you were here right now." His voice was soft as he spoke.

"Me too." I held onto the phone tightly trying to close the gap between us.

"I-," He paused as yelling came from his side of the phone. "Stop yelling before I beat your ass, you know you were supposed to be here like half an hour ago." His voice was quieter as he talked to someone else.

"Don't get your panties in a twist I had to get gas and a coffee if you want me to take you to get that thing off your leg." Adams voice flooded through the speaker.

"I didn't ask you to drive me. I didn't even-," Jake cut off with an annoyed groan. "Just go away please?"

I smiled as I listened to the interaction. I knew how close they were and listening to them bicker made me miss my own best friend. I was planning on making a stop to visit Becca after spending the new year with Jake.

"Sorry Adam just showed up and he's being difficult." Jake said to me.

"I'm not being difficult, you're the one that wanted me here two hours early just to pick you up." Adam argued.

"Shut up." Jake shot back.

"I should go before I make you late." I joked.

"Wait, did you call for anything specific?" He asked.

"No I just wanted to hear your voice. Good luck at your appointment today." I told him deciding to wait until later to tell him about coming out to my mom.

"I'll call you later." He promised.

"Yeah let me know how it goes."

With one last goodbye I hung up. I couldn't wait until I was out of this house and in his arms.