Crossing Lines

41. Best for the team

I hadn't gotten myself to go and see my coach yesterday. I hadn't been able to get myself to do much of anything yesterday. But I had woken up with more of a purpose today and I'd crawled out of bed knowing I couldn't hide in my room any longer. I'd put off my responsibilities long enough.

It wasn't just going to see coach that I had avoided yesterday. I had ignored each one of Jake's texts. I wasn't ready to talk to him and I knew it was shitty but still every time I glanced at my phone and saw the messages I just couldn't get myself to type something back. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever but I just didn't know what to say, how to explain this all to him.

The truth would probably be a good start but I didn't think I'd be able to dump that on him. I wasn't ready to let him see all the scars I'd tried so hard to heal. I didn't want to fuck this all up just yet.

I told myself I'd reach out to Jake once I went to my coaches office. I'd give myself a few more hours before I dealt with it. I needed the time to come up with exactly what I was going to say to make it all right.

Luckily my roommates were out so I got ready and ate something quickly without any interruptions. I didn't think I could handle anyone hovering over me right now. Becca had done enough of that yesterday and I was glad to get some reprieve. I didn't know how to let someone take care of me, it was something I could work on later.

I felt nervous the whole way to coaches office. I was worried how this would go. I knew he didn't tolerate bullying or homophobia. He'd made plenty of speeches at the beginning of the season about how if anyone stepped out of line he wasn't afraid to throw them off the team. But still we had just gotten into playoffs and I doubted he'd be happy that I was reporting one of our best receivers.

I knocked on the closed door, part of me hoping he might not be here.

"Come in." His low gruff voice boomed through the door.

I eased the door open and shuffled inside. He looked up surprised to see me and then I watched his eyes flick down to the bruise on my face and his own hardened, his neutral expression turning into a frown.

"I'm guessing you aren't here just to say hello." He said ushering me into the office.

"Um no." I shook my head and then slipped into one of the chairs opposite him.

My coach leaned back in his chair waiting for me to speak. I knew he wouldn't push and I was thankful for that but I also didn't know what to say.

"Well I guess I came to report a problem on the team. I'm sure you know Justin and I don't really get along. He's been giving me shit since like freshman year but since you made me captain he's been saying all these things about how I didn't deserve it. I think he's mad he didn't get the captain spot himself. I never minded the jabs but then it went from insulting my game to saying shit about me being gay. I know I should have come and talked to you then but I decided to give him one last chance. I told him that if he said anything like that again I'd report him and he let up for the most part. The other night after the game all the guys were celebrating the win and I brought my boyfriend with me. Justin just started running his mouth about him and me. I tried to walk away but he just kept running his mouth and then he punched me." I explained the situation to him.

I fidgeted in my seat as coach sat there taking it all in. He didn't give much away but that was pretty normal for him.

"Do you know why I made you captain Evan?" He asked surprising me.

"Because I'm the Quarterback?" I questioned.

Honestly I didn't know why he'd decided to give the position to me. I'd worked my ass off since freshman year to get here but I was still surprised when coach announced I would be captain.

"No." He chuckled slightly. "There are guys that step out on that field and think of their own performance. They go out there wanting to get the most catches or get the game winning touchdown. Then there are the guys that bring a team together and sacrifice their own stats to do what's best for the team. I didn't need a captain who wanted the spotlight to always be on themselves. You have worked your butt off since you showed up at the very first practice. You've done so much not for your own game but for the team. I have watched you put your team first over and over again. I didn't want the best player or the person with the highest stats as a captain. I wanted the player who was going to do what was best for the team."

I felt my stomach drop. I hadn't realized that coach saw me like that. I had felt like I wasn't the best captain. I tried to do well for the team but sometimes I would look at how Jake was on the field and I felt very inadequate.

"I try my best coach." I told him wanting him to know that I did put the team first, even now I was thinking of the team.

"I know. I've never regretted my decision in choosing you. Even now coming here and turning in your teammate it's a hard thing to do. Many guys wouldn't even think about reporting one of their own especially not this close to the playoffs. I'm glad you're here and I hope you know I don't take things like this lightly. I won't have anyone on my team who spreads hate like that."

I felt a wave of relief wash over me. It was good to know that coach was going to support me in this and not sweep it all under the rug.

"Thank you." I gave him an appreciative smile.

"I'm just doing my job Barrett. Next time let me know when there is an issue before you get your face all messed up." He gestured to my jaw.

This meeting couldn't have went better and I felt better than I have since the party. I wasn't going to have to play with Justin again and I really didn't care if any of my teammates would be mad about it. The season was almost over and I wouldn't have to deal with them again anyway.

Now all that was left was to talk to Jake. I just hoped that went as well as this talk did.