Never going to escape

Pain

"Today I won't cry, Today I will smile and I will laugh and I will love. Today will not be a day I mourn him, but a day I remember why I loved him in the first place, a day of celebration, a day of healing. Today I live" I stared at myself after repeating the words for the third times, I was dressed in dark clothing, I didn't want to give a fuck today, but I had to put on a act.

I looked awful, I barley gotten any sleep last night. I kept seeing him Every-time I closed my eyes. Deep down I knew nothing I did could change what happened, nothing I did could of stopped him from drinking, nothing could stop him from taking those keys, and nothing would stop him from hitting that-

"Seth are you ready to go?" My mothers voice came from outside of the restroom.

   I wasn't, ready to go that was. Honestly if I could I would spend the entire day in this small cramped somewhat smelly gas station restroom. Mom needed me, Jasmine needed me, and I couldn't let them down. I glanced at the mirror once more forcing a fake smile before leaving the restroom . 

    "It's been three days, you don't have to fake a smile Seth" my mother said as she placed her hand on my shoulder.

   "Dad was always strong for us, before he-" I chocked on my own words.

   "Before he started to pick up the bottle, focus on the good times, not the bad ones. That's what I've been trying to do"

  "Mom, are we leaving?" Jasmine asked from the aile next to us. She wore an all black dress that matched my mothers, she was better at hiding her emotions than me and my mother combined.

    "Yes, let's go bury your father" My mother said reaching for both our hands.

     I've heard about heart break, but my chest literally felt like it was being crushed as I watched the dirt cover my fathers casket. Viewing him was something I never wanted to experience again, he was so still. He was so incredibly still, yet he looked like he was just sleeping.  Peaceful. The cost of peace is death, or so it seems. I was a mess of emotions, from sadness over my father passing to anger from  Robbie not being here , he promised he would be here and hasn't been answering my text. At first I thought maybe something had happened, but something told me he messed up again.

   The funeral ended, my mother and I held hands until we made it to the car where my sister waited. Today was the day I buried my father. Today was the day I said goodbye to the men that helped raise me.

    "We should hurry home, it's about to storm" my mothers voice had taken me from whatever trance I was in.

    "Do you want me to drive?" I asked with a force smile. I wondered if she knew it was forced, because she returned the same forced smile as she told me no.

  "I can managed baby, you've been so strong for us both. Thank you" Within seconds I felt the warm embrace of my mothers touch as she hugged me tightly. I never wanted to let go, but we did.

     By the time we made it home the rain had already started coming down, Jasmine ran inside to attempt her hair from getting wet leaving me and mom in the car alone.

    "Mom, are you ready to go inside?" I asked breaking the silence that taken over so easily.

   "You go ahead, I'm right behind you" I forced another smile as I made my way inside, looking towards my mother once again before closing the front door behind me. I made my way into my room and instantly landed on my bed.

    My mother had lost her husband, the father to her kids, her first love. Me and Jasmine had lost our father, our role model, our guardian. Things couldn't be more difficult, yet Robbie still hadn't texted back. For a moment my sadness left, all there was, was the anger from earlier. I wanted Robbie to tell me why the fuck he had not answered any of my text. What could be so important that he'd miss my father's funeral, that he'd leave me alone to deal with my emotions.

    Barley any time had pass before I was changed into shorts and a black T , I left without a word heading towards my car. Mom hadn't even notice me leave, and I doubt Jasmine would care much. The rain was really coming down now as I made my way to Robbie's house. I needed to see him . I needed him to tell me exactly where the fuck he had been this entire day.

   Deep down I knew I didn't want to know the answer, but despite that feeling I drove.

I was speeding, I never speed. I was filled by anger, and disappointment. Robbie better have the worlds biggest excuse, he'd promised to be there for me today, he knew what today meant. I made it to his house in record timing, slamming my car door I quickly made it to his door steps, my vision blinded by the rain that was pouring. I raised my first ready to pound on his door, but stopped immediately when I noticed his door wasn't all the way closed.

Had someone broken in?! Was Robbie hurt? Is that why he wasn't at the funeral?! I had to make a decision, my boyfriend was on the other side of this door possibly hurt or wors- I couldn't let my mind wonder. I had to make a decision. I had to act! I opened the door slowly, nothing could prepare me for what I saw.

Thanks so much for reading this chapter, the story will be getting updated more and more.