Don't Lose Sight of Me

10

"What do you want me to say Steve! Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll say it!" I yelled walking towards the guest room. Steve followed me with a stomp in his step. We could no longer be in the same room with each other without arguing. We argued about everything and everyone. I wanted this, Steve thought this was better. I didn't want that, Steve wanted it. We just didn't have any common ground anymore.

"Why do I have to tell you what you should already know! Can't you think for yourself?"

I stopped walking and glared at him. "Maybe I'd say what I really wanted too, if I didn't think I'd be yelled at like a child."

Steve threw up his hands, "Say it please! Say it! You don't tell me anything anymore!"

"What do you mean I don't tell you anything! I've told you everything!" I shouted walking into the guest room. I went to close the door, but Steve held it open. Steve followed me into my room. He wasn't supposed to.

"Anna, you honest to god cannot think you've told me everything." Steve stated more calmly now. He stood in front of the bed. I stood across the room by the door away from him. "I want to know why, I deserve to know why."

"I don't really give a fuck about what you deserve Steve." I bitterly voiced folding my arms.

"You know I can tell that. You haven't cared about how I've felt about anything this whole time." Steve looked me straight in the eyes, staring me down.

"Sorry, I was busy trying to come back from the fucking dead!"

"Can we not have a conversation without you yelling at me!"

"All you do is yell at me, you treat me like a child!"

"Because you act like one!"

"I can't do this right now. You're giving me a headache, and I literally want to hurl this nightstand at your face." I told Steve shaking my head. "Get out."

"I'm not done."

"What else am I doing wrong? Please tell me. I love to hear how I'm letting you down, it's a favorite pastime."

"This isn't just about you Anna. You can be so selfish sometimes. You can be absolutely fucking obtuse."

"Don't you think I deserve to be a little selfish?"

"Having autonomy and being selfish are two different things–will you get out of my fucking head!" Steve yelled touching his forehead. I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe I was sharing a thought, a vision, or pain on accident.

"Sorry,"I muttered embarrassed that I couldn't control that. Even in our worst, Steve knew I never meant to invade his privacy like that. "Please leave. I'm tired. And my head hurts. I want to be alone."

Steve gave me a hard look. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to keep talking, keep arguing about what I was doing wrong. I just want to be alone. I wanted silence. I just wanted it to be quiet, absolutely quiet. Steve finally left the room. I closed the door after him.

"When you're ready to really talk, I'm here. You can't do this alone."

"Why not, how are you going to fix this? With optimism? Get over yourself Steve." I replied through the door.

"At least my way isn't self destructive." Steve muttered loud enough he knew I'd hear him. He was trying to get me mad again and it was working.

"I know you aren't preaching to me about being self destructive!" I shouted swinging open my door. Steve had a smug look on his face for getting me to open the door. "I read those reports about those missions before you found me. You were fucking suicidal. Don't even try to lecture me about being self destructive."