In Love With An Angel (a. butler)

Twenty-Nine.

After dinner, I lingered in the kitchen to help Mom wash the dishes and put away leftovers. I stared at her eyes again as she was focused on drying the sauce pan in front of her. Would it be all terrible if she heard everything? If Luca was on the verge, why couldn't Mom? I clenched my teeth trying to keep my cool and not blurt out everything I've been wanting to say. I wish Mom could see the truth. I wish Dad wasn't gone. I wish everything was back to normal, the old normal that I hadn't realized I wanted until now. My mind scrolled back to the simpler times when Dad was here, they were happy, I was carefree and none of this was going on.

I guess it was still happening, but at least I didn't know.

I think I understand why Dad changed in his behavior so much, it's hard to keep quiet when she's just standing there so beautiful and so elated. The alcohol probably wasn't intentional, it was just a way to cope. This weight is heavy to bare all alone, I guess I'm a little lucky to have Austin here. He coasts me through this in a way that makes me feel calm even when I wish to run. I watched Mom ring out the dish towel and run it along the sink and counter wiping away the water and any chicken juices that might have dripped out during cooking.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" She asked suddenly. I shifted from my left leg to the right rebalancing myself after she caught me off guard. "Is there something wrong?"

"No." I said softly

"Are you sure? You've been quieter since we left the store earlier. Is something going on at school with that boy you saw?"

I pressed my lips into a hard line. Yes, there is something going on. But how can I find the words to tell?

"Mom, do you ever feel like..you were set here for a purpose? Like..everything happens for a reason?"

"Well, sure. I believe there is a lesson to be learned with certain things that occur. Especially if it's a challenge. It's character building." She said tossing the towel back into the sink.

"What if you can't find the lesson?"

"It'll reveal itself, maybe when you're older you'll think back and realize why something had to happen the way it did. For you to reach the level that you are. Is something concerning you?"

I hesitated. There was no point in telling her the truth, if Dad risked their marriage and our happy life just by keeping the secret then I had to too. As much as I wanted to talk to her, to have her know the struggle that goes on in my mind. I couldn't go against the others, I swore I wouldn't.

"No. I guess, maybe..turning eighteen now made me realize a lot"

"Aw, honey. You do not have to be worried about that. You're so smart and talented, you will graduate and find an amazing school. I know it can be scary growing up but you'll always be my baby Rose." She said rushing over to pull me into a hug. I smelled the mix of chicken and her Dior perfume on her shirt. She caressed the back of my head briefly before loosening up the hug.

I smiled at her, I had to settle with the fact that our conversations can only go so far now. I had to find a way to be okay, to balance everything. I walked out the kitchen to head back to my room and wallow for the night. Mom and Howard wrapped up the night early, it seems as if our fulfilling dinner had caused the two of them to get sleepy. Just before I reached the stairs, I noticed the clock on the wall read that it was ten-forty-seven. I realized it's been about three hours since I heard anything from them about Hawkins. I chewed on the inside of my jaw, I wondered what had happened.

I walked into my room shutting the door behind me. My phone sat on the end table and there were no new texts from Austin. Instead a few other random notifications from other apps. I sighed. He said he would update. Maybe he lost signal somehow? I leaned back on my bed opening the chat to message him again.