In His Light

Shy girl

This is a love story, but not your typical boy meets girl falls in love and lives happily ever after, love story. No this is a different kind of love story. The greatest of all love stories.

It starts with a 15 year old girl who thought she knew what love was. Don't we all at that age ? She thought she had met the person she would love forever, they where together a little over a year when he cheated on her. She of course was heartbroken, at that time it was the worse thing that she had ever gone through. This boy was her first everything. First boy to kiss her, to hold her hand. She had literally given this boy every piece of her. All of her innocence now belonged to this boy who she thought she would spend her life with.
I'm sure by now you have realized this story is my story. I remember in eighth grade a woman coming to talk to us about starting high school. She specifically spoke to us girls about boys in high school. About not falling for their lies about protecting ourselves. I also remember rolling my eyes. Pfft that would never be me I thought. I had never even been kissed. I had talked to a few boys. Even had a boyfriend in seventh grade but I had broke up with him because he had wanted to French kiss me. Yuck , I had thought. Lol. I didn't have the best body image after I had stopped playing softball I had started to gain weight, my face always seemed to be broke out. The popular girls made fun of me. I remember one sitting across from me at lunch one day . My friends and I were minding our own business giggling talking about all kinds of crazy stuff. When out of the blue she says " I love that all of the girls in our class takes such good care of themselves. No one has yucky black heads or stuff all over their face . " then looks straight at me. I know my face turned bright red. Because I knew I was going through a bad break out. I don't remember what else she said as I cast my face down and blocked her out . I kept thinking to myself. She is so beautiful why does she have to be so ugly on the inside. My friends and I were always the outcast, we never bothered anyone. We stayed to ourselves and generally had an amazing time together. We had the ability to laugh at absolutely anything which sometimes got us in trouble. We were crazy awkward around boys, not all boys since we were all really good friends with a couple of them but if we got around boys that we liked oh man forget it. We all froze up , turned red and stammered or didn't talk at all. Watching the popular girls flirt with guys always amazed us. How did they do that. It was an art we hadn't mastered yet eehhh! So yeah the thought of a boy liking me in high school and me ending up pregnant was laughable. I tuned everything that woman said that day out.
Before I started high school that fall. I had talked my mom into taking me to get a makeover at Merl Norman's My reasoning was I needed to learn how to do makeup so I could cover up my break outs. I pleaded with her that everyone would make fun of me. It was bad enough two of my best friends were not going to the same high school as me, I was terrified. I wasn't trying to get a boyfriend all I wanted to do was be invisible, blend in. First day of school I armed myself with makeup and kept my head down.

The day turned out to be pretty good. At lunch I meet a girl that was in my math class and we become instant best friends. She reminded me so much of my other two friends. Over the next few weeks our friendship grew and I was shocked to realize I actually liked high school. We all settled into our groove. In that same math class was a boy that one of my old friends had, had a crush on in junior high. Let's call him Kieth, He was a year older than us so I hadn't seen him in a while. Our teacher had assigned seats for everyone and of course I was sitting with him and two others. He picked on me like crazy and I gave it back to him. "If you would move your big head maybe I could see the board !" I had told him one day when he was driving me nuts. He just laughed at me said something smart and started talking to Adam one of the guys at our table. The next few days he was absent from school . "Maybe if you weren't so mean to him he would be here . " Adam said the third day Kieth was out. I rolled my eyes and threw something at him. But I kinda got a funny feeling in my stomach. Ehhh I could not like this guy. My friend had liked him for 2 years. I felt horrible. And pushed him from my mind vowing to forget him.. The next day I saw Kieth on the bus , I looked up as he passed my seat. He looked down winked and said "Hey, Blondie." I rolled my eyes and he laughed and walked passed. There it was again that funny feeling in my stomach. Butterflies going crazy. I just knew my face was red. Ugh why !!! We went on like that for another month. Flirting and irritating each other. I knew it was wrong but he was the only boy that I had eyes for. I wanted him to ask me out so bad I could taste it. But I still wasn't sure if he was just like that flirty or if he really liked me. Adam teased me about him constantly. I wanted to talk to my friend about him but if he didn't like me. I would be hurting her for nothing. I reassured myself by saying she had only had a crush on him. They had never talked much less went out. I wasn't liking an ex boyfriend of a friend. Man I felt like a horrible person, I loved my friend so much.
Three months into school, I was at home one night watching T.V when the phone started ringing. I jumped up looked at the caller I.D didn't have a clue who it was. "Hello". I said.
"Hey, Brandi?" The caller said. "Yeah, " I said. "Hey, do you know who this is?" The caller said and my stomach dropped then butterflies kicked up! My face flushed. I clutched my chest and breathed "Kieth." He laughed and said "Yeah, how did you know?" My chest squeezed and I laughed and said "I don't know just knew it was. ". That night we talked for what felt like hours. Me laying on my bed twisting the phone cord around and around as we talked and laughed. Talked about Adam saying we should just go out cause he was tired of seeing us look at each other when the other wasn't looking. Tired of all the flirting. When we got off the phone he said he couldn't wait to see me the next day. I knew I was in trouble. I liked him so much but guys and flirting just didn't come natural to me. The thought of this boy liking me blew my mind. I knew I had changed a lot that summer before high school. I had lost weight, when I did have bad break outs I new how to cover them. I was still painfully shy though. The next few days at school were pretty great. We spent every spare moment together laughing. Adam of course embarrassed me every day in math class and lunch, we had all started sitting together along with my best friend. Kieth and I would always sit beside each other and with every little bump of our bodies or little touches my heart would race, every time I saw him get on the bus and come my way my heart would flip, stop then race. My breath would catch, I was completely inthralled with this handsome guy.
That weekend after talking on the phone with him every night. I knew it was time to call my friend. I was so nervous when I dialed her number and waited on her to answer. When she picked up I realized how much I had missed talking to her. We talked about school and how I was doing and how her new school was going. I finally brought Kieth up and held my breath . She told me she still thought he was cute but she liked a guy at her school. She talked about this new guy for awhile about how great he was and I was so happy for her. I had never heard her talk about a guy like this. Before we hung up I said so you're completely over Kieth she said yeah why. I told her because we had been talking a lot and getting to know each other. She didn't seem fazed I'm not sure if she could tell how much I liked him or not. But we finished our conversation told each other bye and love you call more !!! I felt like a weight had been lifted. The next week was pretty much like the last. Constantly with Kieth, constantly looking for him through the throngs of people in the hall when I wasn't with him. That Friday morning on the bus he asked me if I was coming to the football game that night. I hadn't planned on but if he was going to be there I knew I needed to go. I told him I would "Great , ill see you when you get there." He said . I was a nervous wreck all that day trying to figure out how I was going to talk my cold natured momma into going to a fall football game and freeze so I could talk to this boy, oh boy!! By some miracle when I got home after begging my mom she agreed. Walking into the football stadium that night with the lights shining and my heart in my throat , I saw him standing by the bleachers talking to some of his friends. No way was I brave enough to go over to them. I started walking to the bleachers, butterflies going crazy when he looks up and right into my eyes. He smiles says something to his friends and starts jogging to me. I freeze and just watch him. When he reached me he smiled down at me and gave me a hug . I breathed him in deep hugged him back. When he released me he looked at my mom and I introduced them. We talked with her awhile then he asked if I wanted to walk around. I looked at my mom with pleading eyes. Please don't say no please I begged with my eyes. She gave me her mom look the one that says I'm going to beat you if you do anything stupid. Finally she said go ahead and we rushed off. I don't remember much from that night but I do remember we had fun. My first kiss was a week or two later I believe at a home game with a dance after. I remember we sat in the darkened bleachers in the gym and he kissed me for the first time. I was so nervous, and probably really awkward. From there we started spending most weekends together. To allow us to go out because I was only 14 my daddy made my mom takes us everywhere for what seemed like years which was actually a few months. Then it got to where he was at my house more than he was at his own house. We would spend the weekends playing video games, watching movies or going fishing with my daddy.
He would come through the week to study and hang out. I had no experience being a girlfriend but had a lot of experience being just one of the guys. I loved sports, fishing, video games I had no ideal I was suppose to be super girly and flirty with him. We flirted of course but to me we were best friends. We dated for a couple of months when one night we were at his truck saying goodbye. He had sat me in the drivers seat and turned me towards him. He slipped between my legs and began kissing me. Kissing at this point wasn't a new thing for us. We kissed all the time but this night he took it a step further. He slipped his hand under my shirt grazed my rib cage and slowly went up. When his warm hand approached my bra my body involuntarily shuddered. I pulled back from his face and his hand stilled. He looked me in the eyes and whispered " You know I wouldn't be touching you like this if I didn't care about you a lot right?" I stared at him for a moment and thought maybe he does really like me this much. He has waited this long and stuck around through strict parents. This was the first time he had taken just kissing to full blown making out. Honestly all of my emotions were a jumble. It felt wrong and so right at the same time. My body naturally reacted to his body. And I knew for myself that I was indeed falling for this boy. I wanted to make him happy. I'm my mind I was thinking ok we aren't having sex we are just touching. That's as far as we will go till we are older. So I gave in and kissed him again silently giving my consent to continue. Things got heated but he didn't go farther than touching me under my shirt and just making out.
When he left that night I thought to myself how lucky I was to have found a boyfriend who respected me enough not to push me into anything I didn't want. I had full blinders over my eyes. And I would soon figure that out.