YOU DESERVE THE WORLD: Completed

Chapter 26: Future

Ivy pov

I am laying in bed with Atlas with my body on his. My arms were crossed and I laid my head on them with my head tilted sideways.

Graduation is only a month away and I am can't stop thinking about what I am going to do after high school.

I never really thought I would have lasted this long to be able to graduate and so I never thought about what I wanted to do. 

When I was younger and didn't really get those types of thoughts I wanted to be an English teacher. I wanted to teach kids that books can be an escape from the outside world. I thought about how I wanted to teach kids about the real world but also the world books give. 

But now thinking about it I don't want to teach students. Plus it doesn't pay much and it's not ideal. It's not something I want to get stuck doing for the rest of my life. 

I also thought about being an author. I could make books that could be an escape for people like me. An escape I got from books. But I am a bad writer and get writer's block too easily so I don't think I could make a living out of that. 

I am very confused about what I want to do in the future.

When I was a kid I would dream of being an adult. I would dream of finally being able to make my own decisions. Where I could control my life. But now thinking back I wish I was a kid. 

I wish my childhood didn't end so fast. I wish that I didn't have to worry about the real world yet. Or I wish I wasn't alone. 

Atlas, Olly, and I have no clue what to do because we were never really taught what to do. Dad left too fast to teach us how to be an adult. 

Mom never gave me a chance but she could have taught Olly how to be an adult and he could have taught me. 

But we are all clueless. 

Atlas and Olly do know what they want to do in the future. Atlas is gonna go to school for business and take over the business his father had left him that he finally gets to control now that he is 18. Atlas wants to be drafted but also wants to be a lawyer. 

I just don't know what I want to do and I also don't want the other two to leave me. 

Olly did say that he had five colleges in line excepting full-ride scholarships for him and when I apply to them whatever one except me he will go with the same with Atlas. I said that they should go to their dream colleges and both said they didn't have one so it would be okay.

Dad also set aside money for Olly and me for college and Atlas has his money for it too so we all can afford it. Plus I don't want to miss the college experience even though that means more studying and tests.

I am just confused. 

I also have to write my college essay but I don't know what I would write about. I feel like I would get pitied if I write about my history with mom or about Richard, and I don't want that. I want them to like something about me and not my past. But I don't really know much about myself.

I only ever focused on mom or Richard or suicide. I never really figured out who I am. I am just a girl with a troubled past. A girl who had to grow up very fast at a young age. 

"Ivy." Atlas whispers.

I look at him with a fake smile. "I have been calling your name for a bit, are you okay?" He asked his voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, I am good, just thinking about the future," I tell him.

He hums, "do you want to know what I think when I think about the future?" He asks.