YOU DESERVE THE WORLD: Completed

Chapter 19: Brother

Ivy Pov)

The boys had to go back to school today and I had to do online school if we wanted to graduate. I was debating going back to regular school cause I don't trust myself alone but I don't think I am ready for it. Plus it was coming close to summer break so there is no point. 

I had the computer in front of me as I laid back on my bed. My eyes were heavy from being extremely tired physically and mentally, and crying for the past weeks. Atlas was unsure to leave me but I promised him he wouldn't come back to see me dead from somewhere. He told me to text him every hour and to call him if I needed him or if I was getting those thoughts. 

I think I have been physically exhausting for Atlas. I had more suicidal thoughts this past week and I think he knew every time. He has been with me ever since. We sleep together as well not the inappropriate way. I had been having nightmares most nights resorting to us being awake all night. 

I have apologized to him for being such a burden, I have told him thank you with pecks on the lips. I wanted to kiss him more than pecks but he won't let me since I am not okay mentally and to wait until I am, I agree with him but that doesn't mean I still don't want that comfort of his lips being on mine.

I have had good days and bad days recently. On the good days, I would still be sad but I would get up to pee or take care of myself. But on my bad days, I would just be stuck in bed struggling to even get out to pee. There have been some days when Atlas would have to carry me to the bathroom which was really embarrassing but I had no energy to do anything about it.

Today was a good day I guess. I was able to get and do things instead of lying in my filth. I felt like I needed to do something though. Something to thank Atlas for everything he has done for me. While I was able to mentally I wanted to give him the best. 

At around 3:30 I decided I would go to the kitchen and bake something. I don't know what but why not. I walked downstairs and entered the kitchen. I pulled out ingredients to make cookies and started to put them together. 

My body was sore and tired but I pushed through it. I had to do this quickly before the boys come back from school. Today I also wanted to check up on Olly as he also lost someone as well.

We also needed to plan the funeral for Dad since we hadn't yet. Maybe I should call Cameron to see how he was doing. 

I put the cookie dough I made in the oven and set the time for the amount of time it should be cooking. I leaned against the counter and scrolled through my phone, opening the contact for Cam.

I dialed his number and placed the phone on my ear. The phone rang a couple of times but he finally picked up, "Hello." Cam's voice came through the phone.

"Hey, Cam it's Ivy, I just wanted to check up on you. How are you doing?" 

"Hi Ivy, I am doing okay I am missing your dad but I am grieving the best way I can. How about you? How are you doing?" 

I felt guilty at the fact of how I was grieving, but I also did lose two people and figured the same woman that ruined my life was the one that ruined theirs. 

"I am doing okay," I tell him.

"Oh, that's good. How is your baby?" He asked.

"Uh, I had lost her in the crash." I struggle to say.

"Oh, I am so sorry Ivy." He said.

A sad smile formed on my lips, " I don't know if you were told this but mom was the one that killed them. She died as well." I tell him. On the other side of the phone, I heard a subtle gasp.