YOU DESERVE THE WORLD: Completed

Chapter 22: Earn forgiveness

Atlas POV

I am pissed, I am overworked, I am tired and all I want to do is have a break for once. A break from the feeling of loneliness, a break from overthinking, and a break from being used. 

I try and try every single day to be perfect for not only everyone but myself. I have been given a list of flaws every single day and I try to work on them, I try so I feel at peace, I try so everyone could like me. 

My manager says I am not enough. My manager told me to get my head in the game, he kept yelling in my face about how much of a failure I am. He reminds me a lot of my father which is why I am so hurt, why I am so pissed, why I'm so insecure. 

I keep losing these matches and if I don't win a match then my manager won't get paid and if he doesn't get paid he is disappointed in me. 

It is my fault, I tried being selfish for once and it made me lose matches. My mind is filled with images of her, of thoughts of her, and it's making me weak. 

It's not her fault so I don't know why I took it out on her. It's all my fault. My fault for thinking I can finally have something for myself. It's my fault for thinking that I could be happy.

I feel so used, so cheap. 

I love fighting, it has always been there for me even before my parents passed. It help me think, helped me get my anger out. But I love her more.

My manager told me to pick one, Ivy or fighting. 

I already know I am picking Ivy, cause she makes me feel at home. But it saddens me that I can't have both. 

stupid brain.

I know I need to apologize to her, for snapping at her. I know that I need to fix us before there is no us. But I am having a hard time getting off this couch. I am having a hard time getting out of my head. I am also so pissed off I don't want to do something I regret. So I wait.

Ivy POV)

Why do I cry so much? Why am I so weak? I have wasted too much mascara over crying. I wasted too much time being sad, crying over everything. 

One voice is being raised at me and I am sobbing into my pillow. One little thing and I can't get out of bed. 

I am at home instead of being an adult working or going to school because one little thing that wrongs me and the waterworks start. 

I don't want to be so vulnerable, I don't want to have soaked pillowcases every day. I don't want people to be walking on eggshells around me because they're afraid of setting me off. 

I have cried almost every single day in my life and I am pretty sure everyone that I know, thinks I am a crybaby. That I cry over everything. I am pretty sure everyone thinks I am annoying, maybe that's why everyone keeps leaving or ending up hating me. 

I want to say that I can stop that. I want to stop. But I can't for some fucking reason I can't fix it. I don't know why, I want to have a why but I don't.

So I am going to be known as the crybaby. 

"Ivy." Atlas's soft voice calls from the other side of the door bringing me out of my thoughts. 

I sniffle and run quietly and quickly to the bathroom. I grab a wipe and cleaned the mascara that was under my eye. I took a couple of deep breaths before walking to my bedroom door and opening it. 

Atlas looks at me softly, " I am sorry for snapping at you. You are not annoying at all I promise you. I love hearing your voice every single day. I didn't mean it when I said it. This is not an excuse my manager said some things today and it pissed me off and I have been stuck in my head. Please Ivy I am sorry."