Forgotten kiss ||Hyunlix<3||

Dreadful.

It was the morning.

I didn't want it to be. I wanted to stay at Jisungs house forever. Away from all the anxiety I get being at home.

Jisung makes me feel calm and sane. Being around him is so freeing. I still wish I could call him my best friend, I'm not sure if he'd want me to though.

He made breakfast for me today. Pancakes, they were disgusting. I loved them nonetheless.

He put his heart in the right place when he asked, and that's all I really cared about.

"Jisung I thought I told you not to make pancakes ever again, you always burn them."

I looked up to see a darker haired boy, he wore a long sleeve black shirt and black sweat pants to match.

"Oh hey," he said a bit startled to see me sitting at the table. I gave a tight smile and waved my hand slightly.

After a few seconds, chans eyes shot from me to Jisung then back again. I was dressed in some baggy shorts and a very large sweatshirt, they both belonged to Jisung.

"Are you two.. like-" he paused unsure of how to words things. I knew what he was thinking though. My face began to go from it's normally pale state to a red shade.

I of course didn't like Jisung like that, and he didn't like me like that either. But the thought alone was enough to kill me. I couldn't handle embarrassment well.

"No, this is my best friend Hwang Hyunjin." Jisung said with a smile. I waved again, this time just a bit more confidently.

Jisung thought I was his best friend. I guess I can call him that.

"Oh! Hi, I'm Bang Chan. I've heard so much about you. I'm glad we're finally meeting."

Han cared for me this whole time. I felt guilty, having not have thought about him all too often.

I nodded my head, and that's when Jisung spoke up again, "Hyunjin is mute, well, I don't like that word. I just think he's waiting for the right time to speak. And when he does, the whole world will shine brighter again!"

He was so happy.

I envied him.

He looked at me and my issues, and found a way to smile about. I couldn't do that.

"Yeah, I'm sure it will," Chan smiled.

I picked up my fork, and continued to eat the god awful pancakes. Chan had offered to make new ones, but I expressed that what I had was just fine. I was thankful.

After eating, we decided to watch a movie. We were sat on the couch in silence as the movie played. Han was asleep, his head resting on the arm of the couch. And Chan had a handful of tissues, dabbing the tears that fell out of his eyes.

Not at the TV though. It was because of me.

I made him cry.

I wrote down the parts of my life that I could talk about. And gave him the notebook. I'm not sure why I was comfortable enough to do so, I just was.

"Wow.. so- if you don't mind me asking, where is Felix?"

I flinched at just the name alone. I don't know if I was ready to talk about it.

If I don't now, will I ever be?

How do you write about something, when its the thing that made you stop verbally talking in the first place.

He handed the notebook back, "you don't have to talk about it, I just thought id ask." He sniffled.

I wrote down my answer and returned it, he read it out loud.

"My version of him isn't here anymore."

I guess this is where I should clear up some things I've said previously. Lee Felix himself isn't dead. But my Felix is.

I lost him that night when his memory of me faded into the background. Forever to be forgotten. He doesn't remember anything about me.

The way I held him, the way I'd compliment him. When I'd kiss his pretty lips, how I loved him.

Not even how I killed him.

"Your version?" He read again, but in a question this time. I nodded my head. Chans eyes were filled with sympathy, but somehow I didn't mind it.

Was that wrong of me? To accept someone's tears and feelings over my wrong doings?

Am I wrong for seeking for someone.. to take care of me?

Am I wrong, for even still breathing when he isn't?