Forgotten kiss ||Hyunlix<3||

Thoughts.

Felix had claimed he was in need of a bathroom break. I watched as he walked out, looking both ways in search of a bathroom sign.

When it was just me and his sister, it was real quiet for a while until she finally spoke up.

"Are you going to tell him?"

This was a question I expected. My lips fell apart before I could even think of what to say. Nothing but silence came out.

I cleared my throat.

"No, I don't want too."

She nodded her head, "that might be for the best." I agreed with her, Felix being hurt all over again was the last thing I wanted. It hurts so bad knowing everything he didn't. I wanted to talk to him, beg for forgiveness, but I know I couldn't.

"Jinnie?"

I flinched at the use of my old nickname. It was weird to hear again. Everytime I heard it, It reminded me again and again that I wasn't the same person anymore.

I looked at her, my eyebrows scrunching down. "I'm sorry by the way, like really sorry. I was a total bitch and-"

"You had every right." I interrupted. And I meant it. She didn't have to apologize for anything. I was the only one who needed too.

"No. I didn't."

I didn't say anything, just looked down into my lap as I fiddled with the hospital blanket.

"It wasn't your fault, you know. Something like this could've happened to anyone. I wish you would've stayed.. but I know that was my fault."

Hearing these words from her sent me back, back to when everything happened. Her yelling, the tears she had streaming down her small face.

She was scared.

But I was scared too.

What if he didn't wake up? What would I do, knowing I actually did kill him.

Felix being alive might be the only thing keeping me here. Is it selfish to say? What if parts of us out still connected?.. no.

Not to him. But to me.

He has no clue we even dated. He could never love me again.

"Hey."

When he heard her voice, I snapped back to reality. But she wasn't talking to me. She was talking to hannie and chan who had just entered the room.

"Sorry! We didn't know you had guests." Chan apologized. Han, however, was already running at me, grabbing my hand.

"Are you okay!?"

I smiled, my realest smiles came out when he was around. He made me feel comfortable and safe.

"I'm fine." I lied. And I'm sure he knew it was a lie by now. "What happened?" He asked further.

It was a lot to explain. And I couldn't do it. It was all too much to talk about now. Especially since I seemed to have a pity party around me.

I shook my head, I'd tell him later.

God, I have so many things I want to tell him.

I want to let him know everything I ever thought while being away from him. I want him to know every single thing I went through. There'd be no secrets, we'd just know everything about each other.

But I can't.. I can't scare him away again.

That'd be shitty.

There was a bunch more visiting. I just sat there as they all tried to check up on me. It was weird. Everyone was.. taking.. care of me?

Even the people I know should hate me or did hate me.

There was Felix.

It always come back to Felix. I'm in love with him.. obsessed even. I can't go 5 minutes without him flashing through my mind.

Sometimes.. I think I even hear his voice in my head. Like he's been visiting me, checking up on how I was doing.

Wouldn't that be nice, if this was all just some fucked up dream.