𝑆𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑎 𝐴𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑢𝑧𝑧𝑖 𝐺𝑖𝑎𝑑𝑎 𝐸𝑠𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑜 and 𝑆𝐴𝐺𝐸 are two different people. Or that is what people believe.
Serena, the sweet and innocent little mafia princess, who was presumed dead when she was four and,
SAGE, a rising mogul...
It is something people are eager to have in life or are ready to give away to others.
Stoicism says we can't control anything - except our own happiness.
I would say I am not a Stoic then.
I thrive on the power of control. Feeling out of control - a feeling that the reality of present circumstances is at direct odds with our desires, is not something I adore.
Knowing that whatever is or will be happening is in my realm of possibilities gives me a sense of peace, a moment of happiness.
Perhaps, the stoics are right. In a way, we can only control our happiness.
My happiness just happens to be in controlling everything around me.
Chaos
It is what people like my brother thrives on.
The spontaneity, the adrenaline rush, the infinite possibilities of things to happen. That is what drives him and many others on.
Also known as, something that makes me uncomfortable and irritable - that's what chaos is.
Having a childhood like mine, control and order is an important factor in my everyday life. But I never wanted that for Luca. I didn't want him to feel trapped in too many rules and orders.
Maybe that's what helped our relationship all these years. The contrast, the perfect balance between Control and Chaos.
When he would get too out of order, I would reel him back in and when I confine myself in my shell, he would pull me out.
We are a perfect paradox.
If only I knew that in the next couple of days, 14 years worth of secrets is going to be out in the open and it might just not be in my control to accept it or not.
After all, you can only run so far from the truth before it hunts you down and screams at you for avoiding them.
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