You're Joking Right?

Heartfelt Confessions

"You're a witch" I say, she takes a shot and shakes her head while pouring another. "You love hot chocolate" she says questioningly, I take a shot and pour another. "You're not a morning person" I say and she takes a shot.

"You hate lying"
I take a shot
"You secretly love cuddles"
She takes a shot
"You miss home"
"Nope"
She takes a shot
"YOU miss home"
She takes a shot
"If you could, you live in a cabin in the middle of the woods"
I take a shot
"You're 32"
"38"
I take a shot

After a while of playing the back to back facts I was pretty tipsy. I wasn't full blown drunk but I was definitely feeling it. I could tell Xandra was too so we decided to at least take a little break. "You really thought I was 32?" She asks looking at me smiling. "No, I thought younger but I just chose the highest possible number" I shrug.

"You're supposed to choose the lowest number, that is if you're trying to flatter a woman" she replies. "Well I wasn't trying to flatter you. I think you get enough compliments for a life time" I said jokingly. "You'd think..." she says quietly, "you don't?" I ask surprised and she shakes her head. "Well then... I think you look quite young and very beautiful. I shall start complimenting you regularly" I say seriously.

She chuckles and and waves her hand dismissively. "I'm serious. A woman as gorgeous as yourself deserves it multiple times a day" I say firmly.
She looks at me, "you think I'm gorgeous?" She asks softly."Obviously, look at you" I say gesturing towards her. "What about me is gorgeous?" She asks biting her lip shyly. "Your eyes, your lips, your hair... the way your jeans hug your ass and hips" I say licking my lips.

"Keep going" she whispers and I move to straddle her. I put my arms around her neck and she rests hers on my hips. I grind against her lightly and she moans quietly. "That. That sound is gorgeous" I say before pressing my lips against hers. She continues moving my hips so I'm grinding against her. We pull away for air and I can see her holding back her moans. "Let me hear them" I whisper and she lets out a shaky breath.

She stops my hips and she's still breathing heavily. I allow her to catch her breath because I think she wants to say something. "I don't wanna..." she trails off but I get what she's trying to say. "Ok. We don't have to" I say sincerely, I didn't know if I was ready either. She nods and I pull my leg back over and lay her head on my chest. "You're not mad or like disappointed right?" She asks quietly. "No, I don't really think I was ready" I reply honestly.

"Can I tell you something?" She whispers, "anything" I say seriously. "I've never felt for someone this strongly before. It makes me feel like I never even loved your uncle" she says softly. "What do you mean?" I ask cautiously, I want to know if I'm understanding correctly. "About you y/n. I feel like every cell, every fiber of my being is pulling me towards you. It's like everyone else were just stepping stones to get to you" she says.

I close my eyes, trying to take it all in, I have no clue what to say to that. It's silent for a long moment as I think about what to say, how does she so often leave me speechless? "You don't have to say anything" she whispers turning on her back. I still can't make my brain produce anything similar to words. "I-" i try to say something, anything, I don't want her to think I don't care about her. "Don't" she says getting out the bed and exiting the room.

Now I'm just left there, alone, not knowing what to say or do. I should obviously get up and go after her but what then? What do I do once I've found her? I still have nothing to say... I should just be completely honest. Yes, that's what I'll do I guess. I exit the room and begin walking down the hall when I hear sniffles. I slowly open the door to my room to see her laying face down in the bed.

I slowly walk over to her so I don't startle her and I sit down on the bed. Her sobs immediately stop and I think she stopped breathing too. I put my hand on her back and I can hear her let out a shaky breath. "That's it, just breathe" I say laying down next to her on my side so I can face her. I hate that I'm the reason she's crying and I don't know what to do about it.

"Xandra?" I say softly and she doesn't respond, but I know she heard me. So I just give her time until finally she turns to look at me. I smile sadly at her and she turns to bury her head in the pillows again. "I can't look at you" she mumbles and my heart breaks into an infinite amount of pieces. "Why?" I ask sadly. "Because I already know what you're going to say and- I said it anyway. And now here I am face down in your pillows because- even though I feel bad being near you. Being away from you for too long makes me just miss your smell" she says.

I wish I could express that I feel the same way but I don't want to seem creepy. "I love you Xandra" I whisper and her head snaps in my direction. "What?" She sniffles, "i love you" I say again a little bit louder. She goes to say something but I stop her because I need to get it out now that I've started. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. More than I can even comprehend at times, so much so that it's hard to explain. It's like my love for you is bigger than myself and it's so hard to wrap my brain around. And I just crave you all the time. Your touch, your smell, your voice, your mind, your energy, everything. And when you cry my heart breaks because I feel your pain" I take a deep breath so I don't end up crying.

"The amount of love I have for you almost can't be put into words. I feel like I'll sound like a creep or like I have no idea what I'm talking about. But being around you makes everything better in the weirdest way. I've never experienced anything so pure and genuine it seems unreal at times. It shocks me to my core because I feel so powerful around you because you're powerful. You make me feel beautiful on the days where I feel like shit. You comfort me by just being around, without saying a single word, without even knowing" I just spill everything out of me at this point.

"So don't ever think I don't care for you or about you because I do. And it's not just for the sex or a one time thing or a fling. I-" I stop myself because I've already gone far enough. I don't want to actually scare her off because I've already been rambling forever. I finally open my eyes and look at her and she's staring at me. A mix of happiness, shock, love, and confusion on her face. "You really think all those things about me?" She asks. I just nod, feeling as though my words will betray me again.

"What were you going to say?" She asks curiously I shake my head dismissing it. "I wanna know. Please" she begs, grabbing my hand for emphasis. "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" I say quietly. She looks at me like she's seen a ghost and I know I've fucked up.