Isabelle's Poetry Journal (a continuation of Homesick Angel)

Truth Serum

When I was younger, I went to this YMCA. It was next to a school, so we'd always walk over to playground and stuff. I'd always get on the swings and close my eyes and pretend.
I'd pretend I was in Pennsylvania again, and that it was my dad pushing me on the swing, and id be laughing with my brother and watching the treetops go back and forth again. It was all I wanted, to be back there, back home.
I was always so scared, I would have nightmares about it every night, that my mom and dad would make me choose between them. That tore me apart pretty bad I guess. Then one summer they did, my mom didn't want me to go and spend the summer with my dad and chaos ensued. It hurt me a bit because she was seeing me as a weapon that she could use to hurt my dad, not as a daughter. Suffice to say we never really got along after that.
For years and years, I could never understand why my mom and dad couldn't just get back together and be a family again, why my mom, brother, and I had to move to south carolina, or why my dad had married a new person. I just didn't get it. Now, i understand , comes with getting older I guess but they just didn't connect , didn't belong , together.
Now, I have a little sister who has a mom and a dad , a family, and who I will make sure knows she always has me. I don't want her to worry about things like choosing or have to second guess every decision she makes. I want her to grow up to know she's beautiful and strong, I don't ever want her to give up the way I did. She's why I'm going back home, I would do anything for her.
She's going to grow up knowing she's loved.
Today I'm back on the swings at the park by where I live now. And silly and childish as it is,I still close my eyes and imagine it's my father pushing me and that I'm not alone.
*walks away breakfast club style *
Sorry I'm just weird today, must be the coffee xD