ten more reasons ~ ghost b.c

darkness at the heart of my love

march 9th, 2022.

"please- you said it wasn't too late to add to the album earlier, i need this song on there" i plead with tobias and he sighs with frustration "lorraine- are you the one singing the song? do you have to go in there and do all the work?" he raises his voice a bit and i go quiet

"you're right.. sorry i asked" i say quietly as i grab my jacket and leave the studio in a hurry. i see per waiting for me next to his car, his face falls as he sees i'm upset "he fucking yelled at me... because he didn't want to do another take" i break the silence as we both get in the car

"he's been so rude recently-" "it's just because of the album" per starts the car and leans back in the driver seat "that's not an excuse... everyone has been trying to make this process fun because it's the first album we've all recorded together and yet he just- god i don't know" i mumble out as we start driving back to per's apartment

"did he even hear the song?" he asks, staying calm about the whole situation "no but i sent it to him" i put down my phone as the text sends. per rests his hand on my thigh as he drives deeper into los angeles. i turn his hand over and trace the lines of his palm with my finger "what was so important about the song?" he asks me.

i look over to him and sigh "because that's the longest i've spent on a song, it was special to me and i wanted to share it with the fans" he frowns at me sadly "maybe he will change his mind, he's known to do that" he says hopefully and i nod my head.

we get to his apartment and we walk in together, he takes my jacket off for me and throws it over the couch. he walks over and pulls me into his chest as we stand in the kitchen "i have to tell you something" he says to me and i tense up

"can you not seem so serious when you say shit like that it scares me" i tell him and he laughs slightly "i know but i find it funny- but we don't make things a big deal right? we it comes to us or when it comes to anything?" he asks and i nod my head "right?..." i say confused.

the realization hits me and my heart melts a bit "i wanted to say i love you... and i know things have been rough and stressful but i want to be there for you all the time, just like you are for me" he says and i look up at him happily. i plant a kiss on his lips "i love you so much" i tell him.

his lips meet mine and we start kissing passionately, we stumbled into the living room, then to the bedroom, our lips never leaving each other's. he laughs against my lips as he closes the door behind us for the night. (IM SCARED TO WRITE SMUT. DEAL WITH IT)

later.

"where the hell is my water" per groans out as he tries to find his water bottle, still laying in bed doing so "you knocked it off the night stand remember? because you weren't looking where you were going when we-" "okay yeah shut up i found it" he laughs and takes a few sips.

he lays back down next to me and traces patterns on my arm, i watch his finger move around slowly and the goosebumps that follow on my arm "tell me what the song was about.." he says quietly "it was titled darkness at the heart of my love but... i'm not too sure why or how i wrote it" i say sarcastically and he sighs

"it was about us, but when the fans get our songs they turn it into their own... resonate it with their own lives and i find that special" i shrug my shoulders. my phone goes off with a text from the groupchat.

chris sends a picture of tobias in the recording booth with cosmo and jutty behind him making goofy faces "why are they there?" per asks as he also stares at the photo "not sure.." i whisper and put my phone down. per hands me my shirt, i get up and put it on.

per looks at me with his head tilted, and resting on his elbow "i love you..." he tells me again and i lean down to give him another kiss "i love you too" smiles grow on both of our faces "i want some tea, you want a cup?" i ask and he nods his head. i take my phone with me and get chris' contact ready to call.

the phone rings as i get the kettle going with water "hey" chris answers and i put him on speaker as i get our mugs ready with tea bags "why are you guys at the studio?" i ask and he goes quiet "just some finishing touches, love you bye!" he tells me and hangs up. my mouth hangs open at the short conversation, a frown follows up. per walks into the kitchen

"what the fuck was that about?" he asks somewhat offended "i don't know.. i'm just tired with everything that's been going on" i hand him his cup of tea as i add honey mine. i walk over and sit on the couch in just my shirt and underwear with my glass of tea in hand.

the moonlight from the windows light up the room just enough. per turns on the small lamp in the corner of the room, it puts out just enough light. he sits next to me with a sigh and plants a kiss right on my temple "don't worry about it" he tells me and he sips his tea along me "i'm not" i mumble.

i set my tea down and go look at the bookshelf in the corner of the room. i grab a book, go back to the couch and sit next to per as i drink my tea and read. he scrolls on his phone and peaks over at my book every now and then "two days until the album" per tells me and i put my book down

"yeah... two days" i take the last sip of my tea and per takes the mug for me. he sets them both in the sink and comes back over "and then tour... again" he says and i lay my head back on the couch. he looks over to me and knits his eyebrows "you don't wanna do tour?" he asks and i look over at him "maybe if tobias wasn't being a dick during this whole process i would want too" i tell him

"okay then" he nods his head slowly "am i overreacting? am i the only one he's been a dick too?" i asks and per nods his head "yeah he hasn't really been like that to the others or myself" he tells me.

i get up and stretch with a disappointed sigh "i'll be in there later" per tells me and i walk into the bedroom for the night and fall asleep.