ten more reasons ~ ghost b.c

opener

last show of tour.

vocal warm ups. we hate some we love some... never an in between. but in my case i loved them because i got cleared to sing again. i got the document of the doctors and vocal coaches saying i was good to go.

everyone was sitting around in the tour bus as i walk in with a smile on my face. i set next to tobias and show him the form "congratulations" he says and pats my back "oh god are you pregnant-" "chris shut the hell up no i'm not pregnant, i'm good to go! i can sing again" i change seats and sit next to per and sophie as he reads over the form

"it says no extensive high notes still.." he points out and i nod my head "i know but i don't really have any and jutty already offered to take over for me, so did sophie" i tell him and sophie gives a thumbs up as she scrolls on her phone "i'll be fine.." i say quietly.

he picks up his guitar and starts messing around with small riffs and solos. i look over him for a bit before i go back on my phone "i was bored the other night so i wrote another song" everyone's heads turn to me and hayden snaps his fingers repeatedly "let's hear it" everyone looks at him confused "what? she can sing now-" "no lyrics, it's instrumental.." i steal a chip from sophie and put it in my mouth triumphantly

"you? wrote an instrumental?" jutty asks and hold a finger up "i'm not going to get offended but yes i did" it goes quiet and everyone looks at me expectedly "i wrote it and did it on per's guitar! he witnessed it last night" i try to convince them and they still don't buy it

"you know what, screw you guys for not thinking i could do it" i say as i cast my head down and look at my phone "shut up don't be like thatttt" tobias draws out and i flip him off "play it then!" he says and i look over to per. he puts his acoustic guitar in my lap and i start playing the small part i wrote up.

i take a small pause and point to hayden "then the drums would come in" i continue to play "and then someone would put the electric guitar part in" i finish and i feel sophie's head rest on my shoulder "marry me please" she jokes and i laugh with her

"that sounds like an album opener" tobias says and lean up a bit "seriously?- album?" i ask and he nods his head "why not? after tour we will have nothing but time" he says and it goes quiet all around "well then let's do it" per speaks up and cosmo smiles with a nod.

everyone somewhat agrees and "we already have two possible songs" per points to me and i shrug my shoulders "no way, i was messing around with the first one-" "yeah but it was amazing" tobias cuts me off and i sigh "okay... i guess we're doing this" i chuckle a bit and everyone starts talking about tonight's show while me and per stay quiet.

an occasional look at each other is shared. i would look over to him and it's like he knew when to look back, our eyes would stay on each other's like they were holding a conversation.

i get up and make my way to my bunk. it was going to be a longer show than usual given what was going to happen tonight, the new papa reveal and a few extra songs added to the set. i lay down with a sigh and turn on my side.

my eyes get heavy but someone opens the door, a sigh leaves my lips "i'm trying to sleep" i mumble out "yeah so am i" per's voice comes from behind me "long night?" i joke with a giggle and he gives me a look "yeah you would never give me back my guitar-" "you loved it though" i say back and he stops short.

a smile forms on his lips "yes i did, now am i coming to your bunk or you coming to mine?" he asks and i shake my head "not here" i tell him and he tilts his head "you're worried about them?" he points towards the rest area

"yes because band mates aren't supposed to like each other" i state and he scoffs a bit. him being tall enough he rests his arms on my bunk and leans over me. i sit up and plant a quick kiss on his lips. he smiles down at me

"bus driver said we'd been there in 3 hours so get some sleep" he tells me and plants a kiss on my forehead "oh! wait-" i sit up and look around my blanket "i made this last night" i hold up an earring with his guitar pick on it.

i hold it between us and he focuses his eyes on the earring "i love it" he whispers as he takes it in his hand and examines it "i took an old earring and just kinda put it on there" he hands it back to me and it goes quiet between us. with per still resting on my bunk his eyes leave mine and rest on the floor

"i'm kinda nervous for tonight- it's weird but... bittersweet i guess i could say?" he tells me and i tilt his head up by his chin so i could see him better "definitely bittersweet" i nod and take my hand back

"this was the era we joined the band in... we met all these wonderful people but it's time for new chapters in our lives" i tell him as i tuck, and tame down some of his fly aways in his hair "exactly but it's like- god... this tour and this band is all i've known for the past three years... what am i supposed to do after this?" he asks.

i've never really seen this side of him... of course he's open with me about everything but emotions we don't necessarily show "i'll be right behind you with not knowing what to do, we can do it together? that's only if you want me there, okay?" i tell him

"deal" he tells me and quickly climbs up, and into my bunk "you're too tall for my bunk" i tell him and he laughs a bit "i'm too tall for every bunk" he says tiredly "now go to sleep" he says as he lightly runs his fingers along my arms over my blanket. before i knew it i was asleep with per next to me.

after the show.

this is where it was getting hard. we all walk off of stage without a word to each other. we go to our dressing rooms and the only noise being made is the crew in the halls trying to get the stage props situated.

i sit in front of the mirror and look down at the costume in my lap along with my ghoul mask laying on top. a shaky sigh leaves my lips, i put my costume in my bag given the fact this was the last time i'll wear it.

it felt necessary to keep it. with a shaky sigh i put on my black jacket and put my bag on my shoulder. i hear people start to talk in the hall, it was per and tobias. i walk out to see them pulling back from an embrace.

a frown grows on my face as their eyes meet mine "i'm trying so hard..." i say holding my breath so i don't let out a cry "...so hard not to cry-" i let a laugh out at the fact i'm crying "lorraine..." sophie walks up with her hands out, i walk to her and pull her into a hug

"this sucks..." sophie was leaving us sadly. she told us before the show, she had better opportunities for her career. i let a cry out and so does she "are you sure you can't stay?" i ask through a cry and she shakes her head against my shoulder "i'm positive" we both cry at the same time as we pull away.

sophie says her goodbyes to everyone and we watch her walk out the doors. i was crying so hard i couldn't catch my breath, now wasn't the time for an anxiety attack.

per looks over to me worried but cosmo stands in front of me and takes a deep breath "let's go for a walk yeah?" he asks and we both leave to go outside "i just don't get it, i mean i do but i don't? i just want to understand why all of these things are happening- like my voice and then me and per and now sophie's leaving and tobias is already looking at her replacements i'm sure-" cos raises his eyebrows at me and i nod my head

"deep breaths okay" i repeat to myself and cosmo hands me his cigarette he lit. i take a hit and sigh "i need alcohol" i finish off cosmos cigarette and we both start to walk back inside. there never hardly had to be words said between us, we just knew we had to be there for each other

"im thinking about going home.." i tell cosmo and he stops walking "back to new york?" he asks and i nod my head. "i think what ever makes you happy" he says and we walk back inside "better now?" chris asks and i nod my head "i think so, tomorrow i'm leaving to go back home" i tell them wanting to get it out of the way.

it's dead quiet between all of us "i'll be back when we start recording album but i just need some time.. away" i say and per speaks up from behind me

"then let's make your last night here for a while rememberable.. who wants to buy the beer this time?" he asks and hayden holds his band up "me and jutty can" hayden saying that was the last thing i remember from the night.