The Freak

11. upside down

The heels of my feet are killing me during the long haul to Nancy's place and we have still yet to arrive. I'd like to hope that we're more than halfway there but I am absolutely awful with directions.

I have been walking on my own this trip, not really feeling comfortable enough to speak to anyone and feeling like a fourth wheel. Behind me, Nancy and Robin are chatting about who-knows-what and in front of me is Steve and Eddie. A small part of me wishes that I could be the one to talk with Eddie, but I think it's mainly because he's the only one that I know how to talk to. Even if it's just to argue.

"Hey, you okay?" Robin jogs up to me, following my pace. I can tell she's slightly out of breath from her quick, yet clearly exhausting, jog. I don't know how to answer her question because just a few hours ago I was planning on running for the hills. And honestly, I was hoping I'd fall off that hill.

"Is anybody?" I chuckle dryly, but she only frowns at my avoidance.

"You don't have to hide with any of us," She assures me, glancing around at her friends. "We've all been through and done some crazy shit."

"I'd bet none of you almost killed someone," I state with a flat tone. I don't want anybody to dance around the truth. They should all be fucking disgusted with me.

"I knew you before any of that, Ronnie, and I know that you're a good person deep down," She tells me and I refuse, shaking my head. "I don't know what happened to make you take such a wacky turn, but it doesn't define you. Sure, what you did was, like, totally shitty, but the fact that you can see that now and you're trying to do better proves that you have a good heart. If you didn't, I don't think you'd be so hard on yourself right now."

I sit for a moment in silence, taking in what she said. I don't get it. I don't get what I've done to deserve kindness, especially coming from her. I abandoned her after we were best friends for years. She rests her hand against mine and squeezes it for reassurance. I've never seen her so serious and, honestly, it's a little intimidating.

"If it's any consolation. I forgive you," her voice is so smooth and soothing, "I wouldn't have driven you to the pep rally if I didn't see who you are deep down. Maybe I'm a total idiot for holding out hope for you, but I'm not gonna stop."

"Actually, I drove her so..." Steve cuts in from in front of us, eavesdropping, tags and Robin flashes him a look.

"Either way," her tone has a hint of annoyance in it now, "you're allowed to put it behind you. Don't let Vecna be right. Don't let the memories turn you into someone you're not. You're nothing like him, got it?"

"Okay," I say quietly, not really believing her words. She lets go of my hand and pats me on the back, her seriousness depleting by the second.