Sinful Desires

Letting it go

Alex

I sneaked out of the house, hopefully without Matt's knowledge, which I knew was impossible. The place was crawling with security details patrolling the ground every minute. I managed to dodge them and met up with Josh who was parked at the road. I had cried and berated myself for being stupid and weak, thinking that Damon would confess his feelings for me, and that I would ask him to choose between me and his wife. Like I said, stupid.

"Wow, glad to see you didn't get caught"

"Shut up and drive" he started the car and drove in speed. I eyed him.

"What? You're the one who is running away from your psycho boss. I need to drive fast so that we won't get caught"

"Whatever, just don't run a red light. I don't want to be arrested, and I don't want to die again"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be insensitive" He slowed down and looked at the rearview mirror.

"Are we being followed?"

"No. Not yet. You want to tell me why you are running away?"

I kept quiet for a while, thinking about Damon's rejection "He doesn't want me Josh. He loves his wife"

"He told you that?" Josh looked unconvinced.

"Yes, and I don't want to talk about him anymore. It's over, whatever that was"

"Well, well, well, glad he could finally join us" He said, looking at the rearview mirror. I also looked back and saw the annoying SUV. I sighed and damned the day I met Damon. No more thinking about him remember? You have to move on.

We got to the club in no time. I met up with Victor, my agent. He gave me details about my gig, and begged me to take my singing serious. Of course, he'd say this because he makes money off me too. Singing paid my bills. Though I could go big, but I didn't want such attention. Victor has never stopped bugging me to give stardom a try.

It took me less than fifteen minutes to render my songs. By the time I left the stage, the crowd had grew and gone wild. I felt really amazing being the one responsible for such fun and happiness. I saw Josh with a blondie in each other's face. The girl was practically begging for attention. I won't blame her, Josh is a rich, handsome playboy. He is a brat but loves spending his father's money. He could work in his father's company or head any of the branch offices, but he chose to be a bartender, which is fun for him.

I was on my third vodka when I realized I was royally drunk. So I decided to let it all go and have fun. I met a guy on the dance floor and joined him. There was no inch of space between us, we were both wasted. I danced like a slut and he wove his hands around my waist and groped my ass at the same time. 

Damon crossed my mind, and I blocked that thought. I made a vow to have a one night stand with a stranger and I would see that through. I lost count of the drinks I've had. All I knew was that I'd be letting it all go tonight. I felt an arm around me and I leaned back.

"Alex, let's go, you're drunk"

I turned to face Josh, ignoring the other guy "Why? I'm not leaving here alone tonight"

"Alex, I can't watch over you. I'm drunk too. Let's just call a cab and go home"

I looked at Josh and saw that he was drunk. I moved very close to him and held his face. Why was I looking for another man when Josh would do just fine.

"Hold me" I purred.

"I'm holding you already"

I looked into his eyes "No. Really hold me"

"Alex, you- you're drunk. You don't know what you're saying" He pulled away from me gently but I held on.

"I don't care Josh! Let's take advantage of each other. We are both drunk, we might not even remember this by tomorrow"

"No Alex! Get a grip of yourself. You're hurt and vulnerable. This is you lashing out" He held both my hands, but I forced my body on him trying to kiss him. He moved his face away. The situation probably sobered him up.

"I am not lashing out! Why won't you want me? Why won't anybody want me! Just kiss me Josh" I jumped on his body and he lifted me up by my butt, staggering towards the nearest couch in the club. He put me down on top of him trying to evade my kisses.

"Alex, I love you. I can't do this to you. I'm sorry Damon hurt you, but you can't do this. We can't do this. We don't like each other that way, remember?"

I was trying to make sense of what he was saying when I felt my body being lifted from Josh. What the hell? Matt! Son of a bitch always found a way to embarrass me. I looked to Josh to find relief on his face. Idiot.

Matt carried me outside while I screamed and cursed. I continued wringing my body until i was free from his hold.

"Matt, go away"

"He needs you"

"I don't answer to him anymore. I quit!"

"He needs you ma'am. He will have our heads if I don't bring you home" He moved towards me, and I backed away.

"Tell him to go to his wife and leave me the hell alone" I started walking away to the direction of the road. He followed me but I walked faster.

"Ma'am please, he needs you"

"Tell him, I'm done. I'm done playing his whore" Josh called out to me from the car and I was grateful to always have him around. I ran towards the car and climbed in. Matt didn't follow me but I knew he would eventually. 

I was suddenly tired, so I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the head rest.

"Take me where he can't find me tonight Josh"

"Will do"

And I dozed off.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know where this is going. But trust me, you won't be disappointed. 

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