I Wore Jeans.

February 14th

     I wore jeans. I wore jeans to our first date. He texted me the day before Valentine's Day. We went for coffee on February 14th, and I wore jeans.
     It all seems insignificant. Although none of it was. The day before Valentine's Day, February 13th, was exactly one week after I broke things off with my boyfriend of 3 years. A cute guy messages me and asks to take me out for a Valentine's Day coffee. I was so excited. I hadn't been on a first date in literal years. I hadn't had this butterfly feeling in forever. February 14th became our anniversary. I try to dissociate it from Valentine's Day so the holiday isn't ruined for me and my future partners. It's near impossible after the Valentine's we spent together but I still try and not let him hurt my future memories.
     The coffee date was planned in my head to be only an hour or two. Something short and sweet, no real feelings, just something to get me back in the game. Although it was definitely too early. The coffee date in reality lasted over six hours, and only ended because I had already made other commitments thinking a coffee date wouldn't last a whole day. The date was amazing. We had this connection instantly. He stuck in my brain after like a sliver in my finger. I couldn't think straight unless I was messaging him. I became completely intoxicated off of his attention. We went on two more dates that week.
     I wore jeans because I thought they made my butt look nice. It turns out so did he. I saw him check me out multiple times and it gave me confidence. Every time we reminisced about the date he brought up the jeans. He'd get excited every time I put them on. I wore jeans more in the first few months of our relationship then I did all of high school. He still hyped me up in jeans more then anything else I owned for the most part. I never understood, especially because they didn't really make my butt look good. Now I wear jeans everyday. It became my style. It seems silly that I don't just wear something else, but I like me in them now. They feel like me.
     There's lots of things I developed during the relationship that are now just me. I don't know how to correct them. I don't know if I want too. I did a ton of my self discovery while I was with him. Now I don't know if that's me or who he wanted me to be.
     I never wore jeans except to that one date, but I wore jeans, and now I don't really know who I am.