A Match for Me

Chapter 5: "Freedom"

                                    
                                  Val.....

We are in front of Nelly, and I feel my stomach growling; I am struggling inside and starting to have a headache. I am not ready for this; just yesterday, I told myself enough of my foolishness, and now seeing her, I am back to zero again. I have had this burden for enough time already. How I wish I could just redirect my heart to someone else. There are a lot of ladies out there, even those that meet with us, but my heart is too stubborn, and it only beats for her. I heard Sam introducing me to her. I lost my breath momentarily when I saw her smile and the deep, compelling green eyes looking directly at me. I had never seen anyone before with the color of her eyes, like hazel green or amber green, I am not sure. I have seen lots of green eyes, but hers is very different. Looking at those eyes makes me feel lost for a moment. I don't remember if I smiled back or what; I just knew that after the introduction, the common Spanish courtesy phrase automatically came out of my mouth "Hola, Mucho gusto" It's noticeable that I did not pay much attention to them; I am busy trying to search something in her finger, in fact, one particular finger and one particular thing. She continued talking to Sam, then as my heart thumped so loudly in my chest, I suddenly grabbed Sam and dragged him to the corner. I don't know if I even excuse us. My feelings overwhelmed me. I don't know what I felt; my emotions were so high, I had high hopes at the same time, I am scared; I felt excited at the same time, I feared, what if I'm wrong? but after what I saw, it pushed me to ask Sam. I need to know something, whether it is now or never!

"What's wrong with you!?" the confused Sam asked. If this is another occasion, I may laugh at the look on his face. But this time, my heart wanted to burst out, and I didn't know how to ask him calmly. I took a deep breath and asked in the calmest way possible,
"Bro, I don't understand why she didn't have any ring on her finger. Is she not married?" When Sam heard my question, he looked at me like I had just said the most peculiar thing in the world. Then he laugh and slap my shoulder. But, when he noticed that I am serious,
"Who is not married?" He asked me more confused.
"That!" I pointed my finger "that woman" looking at the direction of Nelly.
"Nelly?Man, No! She is not" said Sam laughing.
There, I realized how foolish I was, and looking at Sam, I felt so embarrassed, "But, she's always with someone every time they come to the meeting," I reason out.
"That was her brother, man." When I heard what he said, I wanted to hug Sam and jump around; I felt a big thing lifted from my shoulder. But before it was obvious to Sam, I pushed him to go ahead and do his project. Initially, he was reluctant, but after a while, he nodded and waved his hand, saying goodbye to Nelly.

I found myself smiling now that I am alone. I felt relieved; I wanted to run and hug Nelly, but I hold myself. She might think I am crazy. I need to make a good impression on her.

Freedom!
This word is screaming inside my head. Free from the sin I thought I was committing. I want to enjoy this freedom. Nobody knows, and no words can explain how I feel at this moment; the feeling of I can just sit under the rain, let my clothes get soaked, and watched the clouds tossed by the wind. How I wish I could do that now.

I walked toward Nelly with a smile; she might've wondered what had happened to me, but I felt so happy that I didn't mind. When I reached where she stood, I had already gained my composure; we exchanged some pleasantries and proceeded about my assignment. Once in a while, I stared at her when she was not looking at me, and I still could not believe that the woman I love is not married.
Things ended up smoothly with her and my assignment. Honestly, I was not fully concentrating. Since, I become more aware of her presence so close to me. I didn't know how I managed, but I was able to say my thanks for her help.

***************
At exactly 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I was already in my room writing my final essay, but once in a while, I stopped and then laughed at myself, remembering how fool I was; maybe this is the reason why God didn't take away my feelings for her because she is available after all, well I don't know if she has a boyfriend but at least definitely no husband.
I was in that state when I heard Roberto, one of my board mates, calling my name.
" Val, I saw Oscar today he asked me to remind you about our meeting tomorrow. He said if it's possible for us to come early it will be a great help. He is counting on us bro"
"Okay, I'll try my best. Thank you," I responded back. I know Oscar he is one of us, a graduating student and also we meet in same congregation.

Tuesday is the day that we separated for us to have short meeting together, its just simple get together, where there we shared our experiences during the week, we talked our struggles in our studies and sometimes we organized activities for our community service, we do a lot of things actually . I like very much how this group meeting has become, through this we meet new people as we keep inviting friends and now I can say we are not few anymore.

I planned to be in bed early tonight. I hope I can sleep. After that discovery I found, it seems like I am going to have big challenge ahead. Even this afternoon, I had hard time to stay focus in my class, my thoughts always goes back to what I learned and to Nelly. In one point I became emotional, knowing that I am free from the burden, It means a lot! Now the question is, Am I ready to do the next move??