I'm Not Of This World

Chapter 11: My broken heart

JAYDEN MARTINEZ

My life is a wreck right now. I don't know what I did to deserve this from God.

At present, my mom is way too sick to even have an appetite to eat.

The news came when our family doctor came over at our house to check mom's health and he said that she isn't getting any better since her last treatment and that there aren't any chances of her getting better any soon.

I've not been eating well, I don't sleep well at all. All I do is stay in mom's room all day and cry.

She sends me to go eat, but I always refuse.

My life is a wreck.

What did I do to deserve such punishment from God? Is God only good for the others and not for me?

This is why I don't believe in him anymore because I believe that He has abandoned me, and I stopped going to church and praying to Him.

I miss Mikayla so much, I really need her right now.

But I'm avoiding her because I'm in a bad place right now and I don't want her to know about my mother because I'm afraid that she'll see me as a weak person.

The worst thing is that yesterday Paige came to me begging me to be her "friend ", which I know she wants more than that. She is taking advantage because she sees that these days I and Mikayla are not hanging out together as before, and she wants to take her chance.

She will never be able to have a way to my heart because she isn't like Mikayla. Being with Mikayla gives me this kind of relief, she makes me feel relaxed and when I'm around her I forget that I have my problems, she makes me forget that I have a sick mother I love so much.

And I could see that she was hurt in class yesterday seeing Paige kiss me on my cheek, but that kiss didn't mean anything to me.

I know I should have gone to her and apologized and explained to her that I'm not interested in Paige, but it's not like we are in a relationship, so I left it like that. Although she's my friend, I felt like I should have done that.

But I'm not in a good place right now to explain because I know she will want an explanation to why I was being distant and I'm just to ashamed to tell her that it's because of my mom being sick.

Moreover I will tell her at my own time.

Right now, I'm next to mom's bed, and she's sleeping.

I've been sleeping in here, refusing to go sleep in my room when Lucas and dad beg me to. They got tired and left me.

I'm constantly thinking of Mikayla, something's telling me to call her, but I'm not in the right place.

So I just place the feeling away.

Just then, Lucas gets in the room.

"Bro, you need to come down and eat. You've not been eating for three days now apart from water."

"Lucas, I've told you this, and I'll continue telling you this. Till mom gets better is when I'll be able to eat as long as she is still sick and doesn't have appetite, I'll not eat or leave this room."

"Jay, on a serious note. Come down and eat your food."

"Lucas, on a serious note. I'm not going to eat!"

"Jay, I'm serious," he said

"Lucas, I'm serious,"

With that, he came over to me and carried me, placing me over his shoulder.

I was shocked by his sudden action.

"Lucas put me down!" I shouted while hitting his back, trying to get out of his grip.

"Shhh, you'll wake up mom." was all he said

"Leave me!" I shouted again while hitting his back

This time, he ignored me and brought me out of the room. I was still hitting him, but he didn't say anything but just continued to go down the stairs.

Putting me down on the island, I just decided to cut the acting.

To be honest, I really was hungry. It's just that I care about my mom.

I see the food on the counter and before me are the following  sunny side up eggs, pancakes, and bacon. It looked amazing.

I then looked at Lucas and looked down. Just then, a tear escaped my eyes.

I'm crying because why should I give him a hard time? It's not like he isn't suffering from seeing mom this sick. I'm being a little too much.

"Jay, look at me," he said

I looked at him

"Listen Jayden, I know it's not easy for you to see mom in this state, but be strong. I'm also suffering from it. You're not alone. Dad is also hurt but he still has to go to work and work to provide for us. It's not that because mom is sick, he'll not eat anymore, he'll not go to work, he won't leave a normal lifestyle, no. Life goes on."

"It's just tough for me." I whisper

"I know, but you should stay strong."

I nod in response

"So now eat your food to have energy."

"Okay."

Without wasting any time I dig into the food.

And he went to the sitting room, switching on the TV.

The food is so delicious. I know Lucas cooked this food cause he learned how to cook from mom.

I eat as I remember what our childhood was like.

I, mom, and Lucas in the kitchen making lovely recipes.

Remembering those moments make a tear fall down my cheek again.

I just can't handle it. I just can't

I have to cry every time I remember those lovely moments we spent together with mom that I'm not sure if I'll experience them again.

I have my problems. I'm not sure if anyone or anything will be able to fix it.

I have a hole in my heart that I'm not sure if it'll ever be filled.

I have a broken heart, I'm unsure of who or what will be able to repair it.

A/N

Why am I crying😭😭

This is the saddest chapter I've ever written.

Anyway...thanks for reading this short chapter...

And becoz it's a short chapter...it means we will be having a DOUBLE UPDATE yay!!🎊🎉

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