The Prince of Thorns

🛡The Lion and the Rose🌹

KING'S LANDING

Podrick serves sausages to Alester and Tyrion. Jaime sits at the table, uncomfortably.

TYRION: "Your new hand, it's nicer than the old one. Wouldn't you agree, Pod?"

PODRICK: "Is it solid gold?"

JAIME: "Gilded steel."

ALESTER: "I would have just asked for a hook."

JAIME: "(chuckles) I know, that's what I said."

TYRION: "You're not eating. Why is no one eating? My wife wastes away and my brother starves himself."

JAIME: "I'm not hungry."

ALESTER: "You lost a hand, not a stomach."

TYRION: "Try the boar. Cersei can't get enough of it since one killed Robert for her."

Tyrion raises his cup.

TYRION: "A toast. To the proud Lannister children. The dwarf, the cripple, and the mother of madness."

Jaime moves to raise his own cup but knocks it over clumsily with his left hand.

JAIME: "Oh!"

PODRICK: "I'll clean it up."

JAIME: "No, I'll do it. Leave us."

Podrick exits, while Jaime places his cup right-side up.

TYRION: "It's only wine."

He holds up his own cup and pours it out onto the table. Jaime sits back in resignation. Tyrion stands and pours more wine.

JAIME: "I can't fight anymore."

TYRION: "What about your left?"

JAIME: "I can hold a sword, but all my instincts are wrong. How can I protect the king when I can hardly wipe my own ass?"

TYRION: "You're the Lord Commander now. Command. Let others do the fighting. When was the last time Father used a sword?"

JAIME: "I'm not Father. I'm the Kingslayer. When people find out I can't slay a pigeon..."

TYRION: "Train, then. Learn to fight with your other hand."

Tyrion sits back down.

JAIME: "With whom? You? Men talk. Soon as someone discovers I can't fight, he'll tell everyone."

TYRION: How bout Alester?

ALESTER: "I don't mind."

JAIME: "Thank you."

A ROCKY KING'S LANDING SHORELINE, DAY

Alester appears, carrying some swords. He joins Jaime, who sits by the shore.

JAIME: "My brother doesn't understand that when you take away a swordsmen's ability, he loses a part of himself."

ALESTER: "You didn't lose it Jaime; you just misplaced it in your new hand."

JAIME: "Is this place safe?"

ALESTER: "Well according to Bronn there's this knight, Leygood, got thunderbolts on his shield."

JAIME:" Uh-huh."

ALESTER: "This is where Bronn fucks his wife. She's a screamer, that one. If they don't hear her, they won't hear us."

Jaime gets his sword and spins it in his wrist to warm it. Alester whistles in admiration.

ALESTER: "Valyrian steel vs Valyrian steel. She's a beauty. Problem is we should start off with something simpler."

JAIME: "I haven't used a sparring sword since I was nine."

Jaime walks to the sparring sword, indignant. He reaches for it, but Alester slaps his hand with his sword, just as he grabs it.

JAIME: "Ah! Bold warrior you are, attacking a man when his guard's down."

ALESTER: "Wood swords are dangerous."

Alester swings at Jaime, who parries clumsily. Alester pushes him, and Jaime falters to the wall.

ALESTER: "Focus."

JAIME: "If I still had my right hand..."

ALESTER: "No point of thinking about it, come on."

They engage in swordplay. Jaime parries defensively, but well. However, Alester gets him off balance again and causes him to stumble with a forearm nudge. Jaime recovers and faces him. Jaime pants and resets.

JAIME: "Come on, then."

Jaime makes an awkward attack, and they continue.

KING'S LANDING GARDEN, DAY

Tyrion and Podrick meet Varys.

TYRION: "Lord Varys. Breakfasting with the king?"

VARYS: "I'm afraid foreigners aren't welcome at such exclusive affairs."

TYRION: "Oh, to be foreign."

VARYS: "Ahem."

Podrick stands aside as Tyrion and Varys head down a more secluded path.

VARYS: "Shae has been noticed. Sansa's maid saw you with her. She already told your sister. It's only a matter of time before your father hears."

TYRION: "So, I'm guilty of being seen with my own wife's handmaiden. My father will ask you if there's anything more and you'll tell him some clever lie."

VARYS: "No, I will not. How long do you imagine your father and sister would let me live if they suspected me of lying? I have no pet sellsword to protect me. No legendary brother to avenge me. Or a friend like Alester Tyrell. Only little birds who whisper in my ear."

TYRION: "Forgive me if I don't weep for you."

VARYS: "No one weeps for spiders or whores. I have friends across the sea who could help her."

TYRION: "She won't leave. I've told her this is a dangerous place so many times, she no longer believes it."

VARYS: "Your father has promised to hang the next whore he finds you with. Have you ever known your father to make an idle threat?"

Varys bows and leaves. Tyrion fumes.