Trapped Together (Complete)

~ Chapter 25 - 8:05am ~

Jake tilted his head slightly as he regarded her. How in the hell did he answer that question? Because, partially, it was because of her; the other part was him and the shit he was going through. And he wasn't sure how to express any of that without her going into more questions. Not that he minded the questions, exactly. But he did hate the hurt it brought up for both him and her. This time, it was his turn to glance down at his nearly empty cup.

"Let me grab a refill and I will get into that," he told her, jumping off the couch. He knew she ran away from him, and he wasn't surprised he was doing the same thing. But he didn't need a moment, he needed a God damn hour, and yet, at the same time, he didn't want that either. He poured the last of the coffee and set the container in the sink before walking back out and resuming his seat again.

"Does the coffee give you a shield?" He lifted the mug and saluted her before taking a sip.

"Doesn't it give you one?" She lifted a shoulder in a silent shrug, but she was clearly waiting for him to answer the question.

"Both." Her brows came together in confusion.

"Both?" she questioned.

"Both. Me being gone was because of you but because of me as well."

"Why me?" He sighed. Yup, that's what he didn't want to answer, especially given the night they just had and the promise it keep it to the here and now and not the future. There was nothing he could say, he knew, that wouldn't make her dart to the future.

"That's a bit more complicated to explain." She lifted a brow, gave a pointed look outside, and then gave him a look. "I know there's time, but I still don't know if it's enough."

"Humor me. You can't make a statement like that, Jake, and not explain it. Especially with the past that you and I have!" Well, she wasn't wrong, but he still didn't know how to start.

"You were getting married; the days were running by faster and faster." He paused, trying to get his thoughts organized.

"Yeah, that's what usually happens with time; however, I'm failing to understand." He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair while he gave her a look.

"Look, Rachel, I'm trying to explain, but the smart-ass comments really aren't needed here to help push along the explanation. If you want me to go on, please stop." She pressed her lips together and motioned for him to go on. "Thank you. I know time goes fast, that's not what I meant. I just meant that it was harder to see you go down that road when I couldn't figure out how to stop it, if I wanted to stop it, or why I would even want to stop it. The more I was around you and your ex there, the more confused I got over my feelings and thoughts. So, the easiest thing for me to do was to stay away. If you weren't around, my confusion wasn't there, and I could live my life without second guessing everything I was doing." Her brows came together again, and he saw the shift in her eyes. In utter fascination, he saw the storm clouds roll in and loved it.

"That's your excuse?"

"I didn't say it was a good one. But it is the truth. I'm trying to explain this to you when I'm not even sure I understand the shit myself, to be honest." And that was the gut-wrenching truth. He understood even less now than he did back then, and that shit was only a few months ago.

"So, in other words, it was like a jealousy thing?" Jake sighed and ran his hand over his face. Was it a jealousy thing? Could it possibly be broken down as simply as that? He wanted to cling to that, to agree with that statement but the truth was, he couldn't. Because it went so far beyond just simple jealousy. Again, trying to explain it, trying to wrap his mind around it, was something he just couldn't do.