SBI Oneshots

Anteaters

tw:none

requested: no

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"PIIIIIIIIL!" Wilbur ran into his fathers office and threw himself on the floor.

"Dad, I am filled with rage and disgust."

Phil looked up from his work. "Why? Are you ok? Are you fighting with your brothers again?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the last bit.

"No! We need to talk about this!"

"Uhm... about what?"

"ANTEATERS!"

Phil looked at him in confusion and disbelief. "... Anteaters?"

"Yes! I hate them! They look like dirty penguins! They eat ants! They're so stupid! Like, who's happy eating ANTS?! They're little fuckheads!"

"Well, Anteaters eat ants, and I'm sure they're completely fine with it, or they would eat something else-" Wilbur interrupted him with an exasperated look on his face.

"Like, oh, I dunno, dirt perhaps? They eat dirt Phil! And ants! And they look like they're walking backwards! Imagine if you saw someone walking, and you thought they were walking backwards, but then you realized the face you were looking at was fake and they were actually walking forwards! Anteaters are creepy!"

Phil sighed, and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted again.

"They are literally the worst thing on the planet! Give me a worse animal than an anteater, go on."

"Uh... well do wasps count as an animal?"

"Wasps are cool! Anteaters are just stupid!"

Phil shook his head and smiled at his adopted sons annoyance over such a random thing. Wilbur ranted about something like this at least once a week, and he had discovered that it was easiest to just let him rant for a few minutes, as it was almost impossible to change his mind. He still liked to try though.

"Well, why don't you go look up some stuff about them, maybe you'll learn something cool that will change your mind?" Phil suggested.

"No! They already ruined my appetite when a documentary came on, I'm not looking at one of those things ever again."

"A documentary or an Anteater?"

"Anteaters, duh Dad."

"Ok, Wil, whatever you say. I just don't understand why you hate them so much."

Wilbur ran out of the room, and Phil resumed his work, assuming that Wil was done. But oh was he wrong. Only like, two minutes later he came running back, dragging Tommy along behind him.

"Ok Tommy, tell him! Tell Dad how stupid Anteaters are!"

Tommy looked at him confused, and Phil held back a laugh.

"Phil, anteaters are stupid and their faces look dumb."

"And the ants, Toms." Wilbur whispered to him.

"Oh yeah, um, ants are a stupid, unreliable food source and they don't look that good."

"Boys, I don't think-" Phil started before being interrupted by a casual Techno, who had just popped in the office after overhearing what they were on about.

"They have no teeth, just really long tongues that are covered in spines. Also, they are mostly blind and see very few colors. Lastly, they are going extinct, so what's the point of liking them anyway? They'll be dead eventually." 

Everyone stared in silence as Techno walked away again, and then Wilbur grinned. 

"See Phil? Anteaters suck. Tech and Tommy agree. Three against one. End of argument. I win."

He walked away and Tommy followed.

Phil sat in silence for a moment before continuing his work. "Well, that was... interesting."

~~~

A/N 522 words, pog! hopefully I continue this book, but the thing is, I mostly come up with this stuff in the middle of the night, and then I forget or it's on my phone and then I'm too lazy to type it up on my tablet so... anyway! Please tell me if I make any mistakes and I will fix them! have a good day/night everyone!