Talks With My NightOwl (BoyxBoy)

Discomfort

Sitting at the door I listened on as Eleni spoke in a soft voice to Nyx, I listened as they began their friendship and couldn't stop myself from smiling. I had to give Arelius props for thinking of this now he finally had a little more light in his life.

I leaned back and continued to listen as they talked and I didn't know how much time had passed before the bathroom went silent. I slowly stood up and patted my legs to wake them up completely before walking into the bathroom.

I stepped lightly and got close to the tub, seeing him lying there in peace with Nyx curled up next to his face I could hold back my smile. I leaned down and sat on the edge of the tub resisting the urge to reach out and brush his hair.

After watching him for a while I decided to get up and leave, he was finally in a peaceful state, and I didn't want that to be ruined by suddenly showing up in front of him. I decided to wait a few days for him to get used to Nyx's company and then come again.

I glanced at him one last time before turning and walking out of the bathroom, I pulled the door in lightly and then walked out of the room. I greeted everyone and then pulled Arelius and Meris to leave. Stepping out into the night I stopped and looked up at the moon, breathing out, and in I walked to my car, got in, and drove off.

The next few days passed quickly as I tried to find things to keep myself busy so I wouldn't just go running to him. Though I had been keeping in contact with Milha just so I could know what was going on with him.

She told me that though he had been sleeping a lot the times he was awake were peaceful for him and even if he panicked because of their mistake Nyx was quick to calm him down. Because of his progress so far they were considering whether or not to hire an in-home therapist for him.

I felt it was too soon for that, he's barely getting accustomed to being around the people he loves and has known all his life so to throw a stranger in there would be counterproductive and it was also because of that thought that I pulled back.

I would wait for a while more and then let Milha tell him about me and then leave it up to him to decide whether or not he wanted to see me. And for now, I could only hope he would.

Eleni

Sitting in the tub Nyx rested on my lap as I lightly petted her fur, at the same time my eyes were trained on the screen of the phone in my hand. I hadn't used it since that night, so when I first turned it on, it chimed for a long time before stopping.

Yet still, I didn't check on those messages instead I pulled up the cat site and logged into it before pulling up my profile and clicking on the messages tab. When it came up with there was only one name listed, I passed my hand over it before clicking on it.

Reading through the old messages, I found myself feeling an emotion I hadn't in a long time, Nyx made me feel at peace but looking at the messages I exchanged with Roman I felt happy to see them again.

I wasn't sure but it felt as if a smile had come to my face at some point until I reached the end of the chat. Looking at the messages he sent me which I couldn't reply to even if I wanted tears flooded my eyes and I sniffled.

Noticing my discomfort Nyx moved from my stomach and came up to rub her fur on my cheek, I calmed down and told her I was okay before giving my phone a glace and turning it off. I took it and shoved it into the blankets where my pillows rested and covered it. 

Looking at the phone the reason I had pulled it out came to mind and I gripped the blanket pulling it to cover my face. Roman was here, he came to find me after I had disappeared, he even found my house and came to see me several times.

Milha said he had been here when I was asleep and even helped to calm me down when I had an episode, at some point he had even hugged me and caused me to calm down.

The thought made me feel disgusted, but for the first time, I wasn't disgusted after finding out someone had touched me while I was unaware. Instead, I felt a strong disgust for him, how could he touch me after knowing everything that had happened, didn't it make him feel dirty, didn't it crawl his skin? 

I thought for a second that maybe he didn't know and it was only because of that that he could touch me so easily. But as quickly as the thought came it faded simply remember what Milha had told me, there was no way he wouldn't have known. 

Though it should have made me feel better that he still chose to come around even after all of that had happened to me. I couldn't feel relief instead I thought that there had to be something he wanted from me, did he think I would do it since I was already like this?

Since I had nothing to lose did he think it would be easier to control?

As my thoughts began to spiral Nyx meowed and rubbed herself against my face washing away my dark thoughts. 

I took a deep breath and exhaled calming myself, these thoughts that came to my mind were very thoughts but I knew that even with them, I was certain that Roman isn't that kind of person, there was a strong nagging in my soul that he wouldn't hurt me.

Turning on my side I pulled Nyx to me I rested my head near hers and continued to pet her as I stared into her eyes. Remembering that she told me he was the one that brought Nyx for me a ghost of a smile came to my face. 

For me, Nyx was now my peace, even if I had a nightmare or those ugly memories appeared in my head or even if I panicked just having her near me would calm me down. Someone who was able to bring her into my life wouldn't be a bad person right?

But even then I didn't think I was ready to have him around, I knew how unstable I was and so even if he had witnessed that side of me I didn't want to taint whatever we had because I couldn't bear to be around him.

I had already seen the hurt in my parents' eyes and those of my siblings, every time I pushed them away or screamed at them to get away from me when they only wanted to help. I had seen the hurt I could bring to people and I also knew that I couldn't control that so until I could it was best for us to just be as we are.

I didn't want to watch the hurt in anyone else eyes and not be able to apologize to them because I was unable to feel emotions that day or if I was feeling too much to comprehend it. 

My family was enough now, I still needed to fix what was broken with them before I can entangle with anyone else.

So as much as I wanted to see him, as much as I wanted to meet and see what type of person he was I would hold back for now and not risk bring harm to another person.