Just me and him- autistic Tommy and big brother Tubbo, SBI adoption story

Chapter 76: physio with Phil

(We are going back to Sunday morning to cover Phil and Tubbo's day)

Tubbo's POV:

I woke up at a decent time but could have done with much more sleep. Physio was exhausting and I couldn't sleep through the day and pick up naps whenever I felt like it now that I was on the ward. The eye mask and ear plugs Grian got me, help, but they don't help enough. Grian is really nice though; he always does his best to help me and be understanding of how tough the whole situation is.

This morning, I woke up panting and sweating and thinking Dad was still alive and still coming after me and Tommy. I cried when I remembered he had died in the corner of a room we slept in. It's not that I miss him, well, I've missed him for a long time. It's partly relief, because I know Tommy and I will be safe now. It's partly grief, because I've lost my old life, and Julia and him. But it's also partly frustration, because now he's dead, we'll never get any justice. I'll never get any closure. No proper apology that gives me a chance to forgive him or just forget him. No sentence that gives him a chance to change himself.

I always believed my dad could change himself. Go back to the person he used to be. With enough help, enough support. That maybe even after everything he did, I could have contact with him. I'm not sure I'd ever let him near Tommy again, but I'd have to give Tommy a chance to make that decision for himself, maybe he would know something about our dad that I didn't. And I don't think I would have wanted to live with him (I would much prefer being with the Watson's) but being able to see him once every few weekends; see a man I couldn't help but care for slowly change into the man that forced me to care. Owen and Dad were too very different people in the end.

Trying to keep quiet while sobbing your heart out is pretty difficult, but Grian was asleep in the chair just next to me. And he had spent all night there, uncomfortable and barely sleeping just so I had someone if I needed it. He deserved a little longer to sleep. By the time he began to stir, I had wiped the tears from my eyes, taken some deep breaths and pressed my bee so close to my chest that I thought it might explode. Phil would never have a clue how much it meant to me.

"Morning Tubbo," Grian half-whispered.

"Morning." I replied, my voice croaking slightly.

"You alright?"

"Y-yea." I replied back, half-faking the stutter in the hope he may pass off my croaky voice as the whole rubbish speech thing rather than know I had been crying.

"Bad dreams?" I nodded sadly, staring at the plush bee in the hope I could just see that instead of her face plastered across my mind again.

"It's alright, do you want to talk about it or?"

"No, th-thanks." I said with a small smile, reaching for my phone on the table just beside my bed.

"Here you go," Grian said, handing me the device and the earphones Phil had got me to go with them. I gave a nod as thanks and took the remote for the hospital bed that Grian had handed me next to sit myself up. "I'm going to go get a coffee, did you fancy a hot chocolate?"

"Yea." I said quietly, "thanks Gri-rian."

"No problem, you're doing amazing you know." I half-nodded and Grian just smiled back at me before walking off to go get the hot drinks.

I was still working out exactly what music I liked but had been listening to a lot of Wilbur's recommendations recently. He liked more indie stuff which I didn't totally like but some of it was pretty good. Phil had mentioned about Wilbur playing Dewey in his school's play, so I had taken it upon myself to constantly listen to the school of rock album, so I'd know the songs. Forget getting home, that seemed like a task too far away, if I was well enough to get out of the hospital and to Wilbur's school hall in time for the play: I'd be happy.