Just me and him- autistic Tommy and big brother Tubbo, SBI adoption story

Chapter 91: I don't matter

TW-swearing

Tubbo's POV:

I should be asleep, but I can't shut my brain off. I've felt horrible since they dropped me back. But Phil was at home tonight, Grian was working on paperwork and it wasn't like I could call Wilbur because he'd been at the prom and he'd just seen me today. That was the issue: I'd just seen them all today, just been right there with them today, part of the family. And now, I'm back here, lying in a hospital bed bored out of my mind and desperately lonely, and they're all definitely asleep (Grian is snoring as always), so there's no point. Maybe I'd mention this feeling to the therapist I was on the waiting list for; Phil had spoken to me about him quickly before leaving today and I agreed in a matter of moments. Anything was better than the lady I was forced to speak to from CAMHS. Because I was forced to talk and she was not forced to listen. The sessions felt very empty and not from my lack of trying. Lulu, my physio therapist, she said that I had to try just as hard with the therapist as I do with her if I want to get better, so I did try, but I'm not wasting my time on it anymore.

Oh, that's good actually. I've got Lulu tomorrow, she always does the Sunday physio sessions. She's kind and respectful and doesn't treat me like I'm 5 and there's a chance she might let me work on using stairs. I know my bedroom will be downstairs at the Watson's but everyone else's are upstairs and I don't want to be separated from that all the time. And I'd quite like to say goodnight to Tommy and tuck him in? Maybe that sounds stupid, but the thing I miss most is my brother being on the bunk just below me as I slept. He seems to be doing better with the whole sleep thing now, but I know I'll struggle for a while too, I struggle here, but I always blame it on all the beeping and stuff.

It was immensely kind of Phil and Kristin to give me presents today, and to change their entire house for me. It's weird how my future went from being wheelchair bound to a possibility of not needing both crutches in less than a few years, Lulu says it's my hard work, I think it might be some sort of miracle. After all the bad luck Tommy and I have faced, it feels like the Watsons are the start of our good luck. Bad luck leaves scars though. Speaking of, Tommy's looks way better today; he doesn't need to wear a plaster anymore, and it's just sort of a slight red indention on his skin now. The one one my neck will get like that eventually, and I suppose even the one of my stomach will too at some point. I was very lucky it wasn't more serious. Unlucky for it's happening, but not unlucky with the real outcome.

I can't wait to go home. To see my bedroom. To be a Watson.

I'm so excited for so much, but it all seems to escape me every time I get close. It's only a few weeks until the building work is done, and apparently I should be home just as it ends, but it still feels so far away. Today it was so close I could touch it, and swing with it and laugh and hug with it. But now I might as well be on a different planet.

Wilbur's POV:

I can't sleep, I can't do anything actually. I thought I could write another letter to Niki, but I didn't know what to write so I've given up. My phone was giving me a headache and the headache only got worse when I tried listening to music.

The prom was great; they loved us! All the songs got great reception and nothing went wrong. I didn't forget a lyric nor a note, and we were packed up and home super quickly. We spent the evening watching the first harry potter movie, but Tommy wasn't very interested so he read a book. Sometimes I feel bad that Tommy is excluded from stuff. We don't try to exclude him, in fact I think do a pretty good job of doing the opposite, but he doesn't like the same things and that makes me feel like we can't connect on anything. We have music, I guess, but, yea, I don't know. Sorry, I guess I'm just feeling low, it tends to make me pessimistic.