Breathe

Chapter 19

The following morning, Marlena lay in bed facing John. They'd been discussing how well the twins had taken her return, and Carrie's obvious relief at having John be the one to tell them. Marlena stared at him for a moment, and then she asked, "Does Roman do that a lot?"

"Expect Carrie to take care of the twins... or someone else? All the time. He won't even speak to me. I tried to mention it once, but it didn't go well. I do know that everyone in his family has mentioned it at one point or another, and Carrie has met me at the diner several times, completely overwhelmed." His thumb brushed over the top of Marlena's hand, and he watched her look down at their laced fingers. She didn't pull away from, and for that he was grateful. John wasn't pushing her for more, although they'd woken up that morning with his body wrapped around hers. They'd awkwardly separated, but Marlena hadn't run away.

Glancing back up at him, she whispered, "They obviously love you very much. They still call you Daddy, but I didn't hear them call Roman anything, and Carrie called him by his first name."

"You noticed that, huh? When Roman first came back, Carrie struggled a lot. You remember when I first came into her life, and she wouldn't accept me?" he asked her. He could still remember it like it was yesterday. Carrie had been angry, and confused. She'd gotten herself in a few messes before all was said and done, but it was Marlena's coma that was the turning point.

Marlena thought about it, and then said, "Yes...I remember, and then I woke up from my coma, and everything was okay. It was like the two of you had come together during my absence."

"Carrie has deep rooted trust and abandonment issues. Between Anna flouncing in and out of her life, and the horrors of losing parents multiple times, only to have them return from the dead... she and I have determined to make our relationship one that is based on the truth. I won't lie to her, or downplay things to be gentle with her. She doesn't have the patience for it. She's a lot like Anna in that respect. Carrie wants the truth and the facts, and if someone lies to her, she cuts them out," John told her. "If I'm not upfront with her, she'll never trust me again, because when Roman returned, he refused to listen to her. He moved into the house, forbade her from talking to me, and he even took her drivers license away to be sure she didn't drive to see me. He wouldn't listen to her about the twins, and besides me, she knows them best. He hasn't been able to earn her trust, or her respect, and I won't do anything to lose it."

Marlena heard more in John's tone than his words communicated. She heard frustration, and anger, but overwhelmingly she heard sadness. She was broken-hearted. "He came back, after seven years of being thought dead, and turned their lives upside down."

"He did. As I told you before, he was... maybe he still is... convinced that a trigger exists within me that's going to put me under the control of Stefano DiMera." John sometimes wondered if it was true, but he couldn't live his life under constant worry.

Marlena looked at him curiously, "Do you think there is?"

"I don't know, Doc. I don't think so, but I certainly can't live my life that way," he said softly. "There was one, you know. But Kimmy and I... along with Diana, we were able to break it. I don't think there is another one."

"Who is Diana?" she asked.

"A woman I loved... we were engaged, and then one night she left." He sighed, "It broke Carrie's heart. That was when she started acting out more, and I didn't know what to do. A single dad with twins and an angry teenager. It was hard for a while."

"How did you break the trigger?" Marlena couldn't imagine the effort it would require for John to break through something Stefano had subconsciously implanted in his mind.