Breathe

Chapter 15

Marlena stared at Kim with sad eyes. Kim leaned forward, "Can I hold your hand?" A short nod was all she received in acknowledgment. Marlena's skin was cool against hers, even though they were sitting near the fireplace. Softly she asked, "Do you want to talk about your connection to Hope?"

A soft sigh left Marlena's parted lips. "She's my best friend. She's my lifeline. I don't think... well, John tries to understand, but no one can. Not really." Marlena felt tears fall from her eyes silently, and stream down her face. Even sitting next to the fireplace, she felt cold. John had taken the children down to the beach, even though there was a light snow falling. The sky was a dull gray, and the water was choppy, but the children didn't seem to mind. "When Hope first arrived in San Cristobal, Avi was three. I was barely there mentally, disassociating more often than not. I lived under constant threat, afraid that Stefano lingered around every corner, and behind every bush. He took every opportunity he could to threaten to take Avi away from me... in truth, Kim, he was slowly killing me. Chipping away at me bit by bit, and I had no fight left. If I hadn't had Avi..."

Marlena's voice trailed off, and Kim knew instantly what she'd been about to say. "You would have ended your life?"

"What would there have been for me without Avi? I was nothing. I was a body for Stefano to abuse... to defile, and Roman - I mean, John... what worth would I hold for him once he knew what I'd been used for?" Marlena wiped at her tears with a choked sob. "What I'd allowed myself to be used for."

"But you understand that those thoughts aren't true."

"I know that. Logically, I know that, but there is another part of me that holds no value for myself, and I wonder how anyone else could hold value for me either." She couldn't continue to stare into Kim's pale blue eyes. There was too much there, too much knowledge, and too much empathy. Standing up, Marlena went into the dining area, and rested her forehead against the cold glass. A small smile came over her face as she watched John chase the children down the beach with his arms spread wide. Lifting her head, she continued to stare down at the beach as she said, "When Hope came, she was bandaged. Stefano said she'd been in an accident, and claimed in his typical grandiose manner that he'd saved her. Essentially, he wanted me to be grateful for his gesture, the gift of Hope. He handed her over to my care as if presenting me with another human was nothing out of the ordinary. He bought her from Ernesto Toscano. I guess one madman was finished with her and Stefano saw her as a prize. Another way to destroy the Brady's." Turning around, she laughed sardonically, "Can you fucking believe that?"

Kim blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to push back her empathic tendencies and focus on Marlena. The pain was rolling off of her in waves, and Kim could feel it viscerally. "He placed you in charge of her care?"

"Yes." She rested against the glass, staring at Kim across the room. "And she saved my life. Without her, without that pinpoint focus I had on her and Avi's care... maybe I wouldn't be here. I sacrificed myself over and over again to keep them safe."

"Was the reconstruction of her face–"

"--It had already been done by the time she came to the island," Marlena said. "At first she was so weak, and her memory... she didn't recall who she was, or who I was. She didn't know her name." She stopped speaking, lost in her memories. Hope had fallen in love with her during that time. She hadn't even told Dr. Vellanki that bit of information. It was private, between her and Hope. As Hope's memory had returned she'd grown confused, and increasingly despondent. Hope hadn't been sure how to handle what she was feeling. She'd desperately wanted to be with Bo and Shawn D. She'd wanted to go home, but she'd also struggled with her feelings for Marlena. Prior to her accident Hope had never felt anything but familial towards her. After two years together, they could solidly say to one another that they had the deepest friendship, a friendship they hadn't even known could exist. They'd had conversations well into the night, where they discussed that confusion, but ultimately they'd never come to any conclusion. How could they? It was all about survival. "When Hope first woke, she was so scared, Kim. She was afraid, and she–she had no idea who she was. I nursed her through long nights, and everyday she became stronger..."