Wingless Crow (Suicidal Hinata)

Trapped in thoughts!

Bokuto: Are you alright?

Me: Yeah...

The contrary was the case, still who was I to worry someone else who just went through whatever that was to get me in their team. I didn't even understand why he would do something like this. It didn't make any sense to me at all. For me what he did was something out of a dream since I knew how good they were playing but at the same time I felt guilty since I did abandone my own team. This was such a horrible feeling. I really didn't liked it at all.

Bokuto: Wait here for me. I'll get you a shirt so everyone knows you are in our team now.

Me: There is no-

Before I could even finish saying what I did, this man ran off to who knows where. Now I was all alone.

Me: *sigh*

Am I really worth it?

NO!

This is wrong!

I am betraying my team!

I am soo useless!

I shouldn't even be here!

I am bothering them!

Thanks to me they can't play as they want!

I am a hindrance to their ability.

I-

The more I was standing there all alone, the more my dark thoughts started consuming me. It felt soo pressuring that I couldn't help and go to my own changing room. All changing rooms were at the same hallway but this hallway was a bit long and not only that but Bokuto just ran off somewhere I didn't know at all.

In the end he left me alone as well.

All I could think about was how much of a bother I was for him and his team as well as the guilt of betraying my own. I mean what would change at all? I would still be in a team where I wasn't allowed to give it my all. The moment I would, they would scold me again and all that for what?

Was I really worth it?

'Look at this bastard!'

'He is doing it again! STOP IT!'

'You are ruining everything!'

I started hearing the things that my mother and my father would say to me right before they would start beating me up and the weight it hold for me was way to heavy. I couldn't stand it, not the voices nor the feeling it was giving me. I really hated this soo much. 

'Useless idiot!'

'Why aren't you studying? Look at your damn grades!'

'Why can't you be like that person!'

'With a son like you, I am embarrased to go out!'

'We should have thrown you out!'

It wasn't easy to describe it but if I was about to try and describe what I was feeling right now then it was a throbbing heart, a bad and heavy feeling down my stomach pit. I felt nauseous and breathing was getting hard almost as if somoene was chocking me. This really wasn't good. 

'Not even an orphanage will pick up a bastard like you!'

'Try? You don't try, you have to do it! Trying is not enough!'

'You will never get it!'

'Useless thing'

Without much thinking I ran into my own changing room and took my bag out. There was one thing inside which could help me right now but I needed a place to be alone. That was something I should have thought about but the feeling was soo bad that I just grabbed the blade and immediately put it to my arm and my skin.

Right now my tears were falling down and there was nothing that could stop it. My vision was also blurry but that didn't stop me from putting the blade right at my skin.

Bokuto: HEY! It's okay... It's okay... calm donw....

Before I knew it, someone grabbed my arm and snatched the blade away. 

Why?

Why do you have to stop me?

I am soo useless.

I can't stand this anymore.

This feels horrible!

Please!

Bokuto: It's okay birdy... you are with us now...

He was right in front of me and yet right after he snatched the blade away, he hugged me not letting me go at all. Something about this feelt soo different. This skinship was something I wasn't used to at all but it felt nice. I didn't hated it at all. No one ever done something like this to me. Although it felt nice, the feeling quickly started changing to hate. All of the sudden I started to hate myself for feel this way when in fact I was soo useless and bothersome that it was a wonder that he didn't hit me at all. I was waiting for that moment and my body was trembeling a bit but it never came.

All Bokuto did was actually hugging me and letting me cry it all out till I somewhat felt better.