Loving Raven

12. Mending Loose Ends

"Congratulations, man," Jackson shot a high five in my direction, "Can you believe the day is finally here? We're out of this place and onto bigger and better things."

I was glum and sickened by the happy-go-lucky faces all around me celebrating, "How can you be happy today? She should be here too, she should be celebrating with us too. She's not, she's dead. That's all there is to it, I can't enjoy this without her."

"That's just like you man," he slapped his cap and diploma onto the table I was seated at, "You've always been so hung up over her, it's disgusting. She's not the only person to have died in a car accident, she's not the only person who didn't get to see graduation. Don't let this destroy your day man, you did make it. She didn't, but you did!"

I stood up in a rage, "That's just like you to throw her in my face, you've been jealous of her since day one! I'm sorry she replaced you as my best friend, I'm sorry you can't accept that someone with a vagina could be a better friend towards me than you ever have been! Good luck at College Jackson, I pray for the women that cross your path along the way! Consider me out!"

________________________________________________________________________________

Mine and Jackson's last conversation was like a broken record in my head. I had seized my sessions with Dr. Mills on her own account after reaching my painstaking revelation at our last session, a revelation I was still coming to terms with. I had made every attempt to return to a normal life, as normal as it could've been. Doing so; I had reached out to Jackson, the best friend I had left behind at graduation. 

Jackson had remained in the state of California, and went on to College to pursue his dreams of one day becoming an Accountant. He remained at the same house he had always grown up in, the house two doors down from mine, and I found myself walking onto those familiar porch steps one Wednesday afternoon. My heart raced as I inched my fist towards the door, laying down three swift knocks. I heard the bustling inside indicating someone was home; nothing unusual, someone was always home.

His mother, Janice, opened the door with a look of surprise in her eyes when hers met mine, "Cullen, what brings you here? We haven't seen your face in a long time." 

I stuttered during my reply, "Is Jackson home? I need to speak with him."

She allowed me entry into the home without any further questions, "He's just up in his room tending to a term paper, I'm sure he'd be elated to see you. It's the same room, first door on the left. You know the way, walk yourself on up there."

Jackson grew up in a very homely home, his mother had always been a single mother struggling to keep the bills paid but always making sure Jackson didn't go without. She kept her walls decorated with inspirational quotes, and pictures of Jackson growing up throughout the years. She was one of these mothers who believed in cooking seven days a week, the only exception being one Sunday out of the month which was to be spent at church with dinner following the service. She raised Jackson to have morals and to believe that women were at the top of the food chain, nothing but love and respect to be showered towards a woman. Our households, for this reason, were day and night; probably why Jackson and I got along so well, opposites did indeed always attract.

Jackson's room didn't change a bit. You would have thought that he had OCD by the way he kept things, nothing like your average adult or teenage male. Everything had it's place, and everything was to be in it's place otherwise it threw the entire room off. Let one thing be out of place and it sent Jackson into a fury, but it wasn't because of OCD or any other mental health disorder. It was because his mother had drilled into his head a very familiar quote, 'Cleanliness is right next to Godliness,' and for this, Jackson was the cleanest male individual that I knew.

Jackson was too sucked into his term paper to hear the creaking of his door when I slowly brought myself into the room, "Jackson?"

He jumped at the sound of my voice, "If it isn't the Cullen McIntyre standing in my bedroom." He turned around and began beaming the biggest smile, "If my eyes aren't deceiving me, how are you man? You look great." He stood up and brought himself to me for a quick hug, "What brings you around?" It was as if our conversation after graduation didn't occur, or he was suffering from a severe case of Amnesia. He should have been furious but instead it was as if his long lost best friend had returned home.

"I wanted to talk about graduation," I began, "The things that I said to you, they were out of line. You were only trying to be a friend to me, and I handled it the wrong way. I owed you an apology, it's been a long time coming. I'm finally getting myself on the right track, I even went to therapy for a little while there. It's really helping me answer questions, and to get over the things I was clinging onto."

He held his hands up in surrendering, "I'm the one that should be apologizing. You were in mourning and it wasn't right for me to constantly be throwing Raven into your face, that's on me. You loved her and I should have respected that as your best friend at the time."

"You are right," I nodded my head, "I did love her, and losing her hurt like Hell. There's so much we need to catch up on, things I need to tell you that you wouldn't even believe. Let's grab a bite to eat this Friday, would that be alright? I l know you're probably slammed with school and all."

"Friday is fine. I do school online, and commute from home. The only time I'm really ever needed on campus is for exams. How about we grab some burgers from Moe's joint, I heard he's closing it down soon. It would be great to grab some, for old time's sake." He was smiling from ear to ear with my offer.

We shook hands in agreeance and said our farewells. I left the home without saying another word to his mother, and was welcomed by the warmth of the sunshine kissing my cheeks. Everything was blissful, a feeling I hadn't felt in entirely too long. I was at peace while still discovering the depths of my revelation, all the while it still felt as if something (or someone) was walking with me.