Loving Raven

16. Tragedy Strikes

The world was filled with blackness, it seemed as if I were already dead. The only thing at the end of the long unrealistic tunnel I was in was a single white light, a white light that grew increasingly bigger as I walked my way towards it. In the distance I could hear voices, voices from my father pleading for me to come back. 

"Breathe life into my son, I can't lose my son," his weeps were loud screaming out into the heavens, "I lost my wife, you can't have my son. You've taken so much from me, don't take my son too. I won't make it, I can't live without my son."

I turned my head to face the direction in which his voice was coming from, it was behind me away from the white light. Internally, however, I was attracted to this white light. It was glowing in a way that seemed so beautiful, so inviting I almost couldn't resist it. Reluctantly, I was able to refuse it's beckoning glistens. I started making my way to my father, his crying becoming harder and more intense as his pleads continued.

As I grew closer and closer to his voice, I could hear the beeps that were escaping from the hospital machine. I could hear the raspy air escaping from the ventilator, and the bustling of doctors and nurses making their way throughout the grounds of the hospital. Regaining consciousness was a terrifying blur, the room spinning around uncontrollably as I snapped back into reality. 

My father's hand clung to mine at my side and I gave it one tight grasp, causing for him to jerk upwards and begin stroking my hair. "You came back to me," his eyes still filled with tears as he choked to find the right words, "I didn't think you were coming back to me. I've been waiting for you to wake up all night, to give me any sign that you were still in there somewhere. The doctors have been with you around the clock, they didn't see any brain activity since the accident. I thought I lost you." 

For the first few minutes my brain was foggy, I couldn't remember where I was or how I got there. I couldn't remember anything that had happened that night, I didn't remember Prom and I couldn't remember Raven. "Where am I?" I asked curiously as my eyes scanned the room, and breathed in the unfamiliar air that was filled with one too many sanitary chemicals.

"Son," his hand met mine once again, "You're in the hospital, you were in a car accident. A terrible car accident. An intoxicated driver wasn't paying attention to the road, or the speed limit. They suspect maybe he was glancing at his phone, or had fallen asleep at the wheel, and zipped right past a traffic light. Upon doing so, he merged into your lane and hit the car head-on. You and Raven wouldn't have had enough time to react any differently than what you did."

"That's impossible," I said in denial wincing as I moved my arm and noticing the cast that was now on it, "You're crazy, dad! Why would you make something like that up? Tell me what I'm really doing here, did Jackson and I get into another scruff? Did he knock my lights out finally, and manage to break my arm in the process? Where's Raven, why isn't she here? I bet she's going to get a real kick out this when I call her, can I call her? Where's my phone? I need my phone, I bet she's worried sick. Did this happen at the Prom? Of course, my luck, the first time I take a girl to Prom and I end up getting into a play fight with my best friend and landing my ass right in the hospital. That's karma for me! Not supposed to take girls to Prom, Cullen. That's what you get for having feelings, Cullen. Dad, what are you doing still sitting there? Can I have my phone, please?"

His eyes rested on the floor, not moving a muscle. The silence caused for the tension in the room was growing increasingly unbearable, and I was determined it would be he who was going to break it. When he looked at me after a few passing moments, I could tell in his eyes that something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong, and he was dreading having to be the bearer of bad news. Tears filled his ducts and I could feel my heart slowly being ripped out of the core of my chest. "Cullen, there's something I have to tell you about Raven," he began, "They did everything they possibly could for her. Raven sustained injuries far past the point of repair in the accident. She coded when the paramedics arrived to you guys, they were able to resuscitate her in the ambulance. Raven suffered a terrible loss of blood in the car, she was impaired by a shard from the windshield. This piece of glass lodged deep into the beds of her chest and punctured her heart, this caused for Raven to bleed out internally while she was in the vehicle. They did everything they could, she made it to the hospital alive and into an operating room but there was nothing more they could do for her. She just suffered from far too much damage, her body couldn't handle it and hang on."

"So they just killed her on purpose," my mouth fell open in a gape, "Is that what you're trying to tell me? The doctors sat there and did nothing, they just let her lay there and die."

"Son," he grabbed my hand shocked when I decided to immediately pull it away, "That's not what I'm saying. The body can go through great lengths before it's just tired and ready to give up, Raven's body had reached it's limit."

"What's going to happen to the son of a bitch that killed her? He should rot in prison for the damage he's caused," fury burned inside of me, the fuel and need for vengeance. "He doesn't deserve to see the light of day for taking he life away, for taking her away from me."

"Let's not be selfish here, Cullen," he yelled out, "You're not the only person that lost something here tonight, you're not the only one who lost someone. Raven's family lost their daughter. She was someone's daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin. That person's family also lost their loved one, and I almost lost you. I don't know what I would've done if I would've had to bury you too, you have to look at the whole picture and not be selfish because you lost something. You're not the only one."

"To hell with what his family thinks," I folded my arms over my chest wincing in pain, "He killed someone tonight, he could've killed me too! They're selfish for thinking he deserves to live for another second!"

Following my words, Jackson stood in the doorway clinging to two cups of coffee. "Sorry, I can come back if needed. I see you're awake, it's good to have you back," he was choking on his words evidently holding back tears, "I brought you a coffee Mr. McIntyre."

My father rushed to him taking the coffee generously, "Thanks, son. You and Megan should go on home, and get some rest, the two of you have been here all night. You've got to be exhausted."

"Megan already left," he brushed his foot across the floor not bothering to bring his eyes back upwards, "I couldn't leave, she left hours ago. I couldn't leave without knowing whether or not he was going to wake up. Could I see him for a moment?"

He nodded his head before his eyes shot back in my direction, "I'm going to go grab some breakfast, give the two of you some privacy."

"Bring me that motherfucker while you're at it," I said through clenched teeth, "If nobody is going to handle him appropriately, I'll do it with myself. That'd be some karma for his ass, take the life of my girlfriend allow for me to take yours." I watched as my father shook his head and walked down the hallway in the direction of the hospital's kitchen.

"I'm assuming he told you about Raven," Jackson walked over and sat down in the chair that had been occupied by my father only a few minutes before, "I'm so sorry, they did everything they could."

"I'm so tired of hearing that shit," I bounced my head backwards looking up at the ceiling, "I'm so tired of hearing they did everything they could for Raven, because it's a lie. They could have done more, if they had truthfully done everything then she'd still be here. She would still be alive and right beside me."

"It was her or you, man," he stroked my arm, "Her or you, they made us choose but they said they couldn't save both of you. Her injuries were far worse, you had greater chances to live."

Fury refilled my eyes as I brought my eyes back to him, "What the hell do you mean, it was her or me?"

"The paramedics," he began, "The paramedics and the doctors made us choose. When the both of you had fallen unconscious  , they made us make a choice between who they should focus on. It had nothing to do with you, but Raven's injuries were a lot worse than yours. They made it relatively clear she was a goner, that her chances of surviving were slim to none. What were we supposed to do?"

"You choose her," I cried out, "You should have chosen her, she had so much more to live for than I did! You made the biggest mistake of your lives choosing her over me, and I'll never forgive any of you for it. Never! Get out of here, get out of my room! I never want to see or speak to you, you're no friend to me!"

"You're mad at me now," he stood up to exit, "But trust me, we made the decision out of more than who we would have rather have around here. We did it because you actually had a chance to live, she didn't. If they would have focused on her, the both of you would be dead right now."

Anger consumed me as I watched him exit the room, not bothering to look back at me. Anger consumed me over the decisions they had made, they had singlehandedly cut Raven's life short. They couldn't prevent the accident, but knowing there could have been a fair fighting chance at saving her. In my eyes, in that moment, they were Raven's murderers.