Her Teacher

Chapter 20

CLARKE

Ouch.

Rolling on my back does not seem to be a good idea. I'm sore everywhere, thank goodness I don't have work to tend to.

For a brief moment I just stare at the empty bed space. The apartment is quiet, apart from the appliances. There is no need to look around, she's gone and I won't be seeing her for a long time.

To think I was this close at ruining things with her, jeez I need to get my head straight. I walk to the kitchen to my million cupcakes. Now what do I do with all these? A note sits just next to the coffee maker. Her ugly handwriting is the first indication that it's from her.

I don't think five months will be possible

That's it.

Nothing else on it, just those words. Fuck she's going to make things difficult for me right, I was hoping that maybe with this she can have time to herself, Lexa can realize what she really wants. Which is a young version of me.

I don't mean a baby.

The guilt is just eating me up, I know I can be selfish but with her all I seem to want is for her to be happy. One day she will wake up with someone her age and thank me for letting her fly like a bird.no matter how I hate to think of her with another person, it is the right thing to do.

With the Diyoza shit, this is for the best.

After feeding myself, I head to sleep...like really sleeping, I am so tired. You know I didn't even know I was asleep until the buzzer woke me up.

Stumbling towards the door I freeze,

What if it's Lexa?

Maybe I should just...

"Clarke?"

Not Lexa's voice. My shoulders relax as I pull the door open. Octavia pushes in, walking straight to me wine supply.

Something is wrong.

I follow her back into the living room and she doesn't say anything for a good minute. She needs to get it out with it before I start to over think things.

"Octavia?"

"I don't even know what to say. Finn just told that we have two weeks before Akadia high goes down for auction." What the fuck is she talking about? "He tried to reach you last night but couldn't get through, anyway that's just the tip of the iceberg." She pauses looking at me in the eye. Seriously what could top what she just said? "Raven started gambling again? It's the reason we missed several deadlines with the bank."

I blink slowly at her.

"You're shitting me."

"Wish I was." She looks at me for a long time. "I also heard about Diyoza, are you going to sit back and let her do this to you"

Scoffing. "She's willing to sink everything that is mine, not just the school. Octavia if this gets out, I lose everything. It affects you and Raven as well, I can't be selfish. Lexa is 17, makes me sick just thinking about it."

It was the small things I liked being here but I must leave and never look back, the truth is that I don't plan on coming back until...Deep down Lexa thinks I won't leave, however this can never be.

"When do you leave?"

"Today, the plane leaves in the afternoon."

She looked disappointed. Her eyes fell to the ground watching her fingers. There was no need to say anything, she knew of this yet had given herself hope. Standing my rob slides off the shoulder exposing a bruise.

It is only when I hear her gasp that I realize what she's looking at. Smiling I turn away from her knowing her imagination will run wild.

After dressing and loading the bags in the car, I stare at the apartment one last time. Octavia will take care of moving the things to a different location. She doesn't speak of Lexa which I appreciate because my skin burns the further I move away from her.

I was dropped at the airport and headed inside. There moments I would look at the doors, counting up to ten so that I wouldn't walk back out. Should I say something to Lexa, maybe say goodbye officially.

But what would I say? Leaning into my chair I watched the clock and then typed out the message. Looked back to the doors. It was time to board the plane, looking down at my phone. Should I?

Backspacing everything, I picked my bag and headed for the gate I was being called to.