all. my. fault. - genshin angst

hes dying. (hu tao)

tw // mention of s/h, suicidal thoughts

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grandpa is sick, again. he's been to the doctors multiple times but this time its different. this time, he's staying there. no one is telling me why though, I want to know why. Is he ok?

I know grandpa is sick and he's trying to get better but its never been like this. People keep on telling me he is fine and he'll get better but it doesn't look like it.

He was having trouble breathing, that's all I know. I want to see him but I'm not allowed to. Is it because I'm a kid? I just want to say hello, how are you? Can I not say that? Either way, I miss him dearly.

People are sending me signs. They're scary, as well. I kinda cried a lot today and everyone at school saw me cry. I'm trying to keep it together. I can't let them know how sad and stressed I actually am.

Grandpa looks pale, too pale. Everyone also looks so worried. There are whispers and looks that don't see good. Is... grandpa dying?

They're telling me to talk to him more, he's sending me old photos, they're telling his distant relatives to say hi as well.. I think grandpa is dying.

Grandpa?

Grandpa are you there?

Oh.

I see.

I was right.

I... can't go back and change things right?

The only thing I can do is write a letter to him and hope the gods deliver it.

" Dear Grandpa, I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye to you. I was kept away from you and everyone had secrets. I wanted to know, I tried to know, they just never told me. I'm afraid, really scared. I miss you. I know it hasn't been long. What am I supposed to do without you? How am I supposed to guide myself? Your my comfort space, and without you I feel empty. I have no one to talk to. I'm being distant, as well. I can only think of you. What... what if I decided to  join you? The harbor has leftover rope... and finding a mitachurl isn't hard. I can access the parlor rooftop as well. I know you wouldn't want me to. I'm sorry for not telling you everything. I've wanted to do it before but I just never did. I was waiting to see how you felt and if you'd get better. Thats the only thing I wanted. All I wanted was for you to get better. I wish you could have stayed. Why is life like this? Why do we all have to suffer? It feels like I can't breathe anymore. It sounds selfish but I just want you here with me, I don't care about anyone else, just you and me. You are my reason. You are everything to me. I know you made a couple mistakes but we can fix that. I'm sorry for getting mad at you. I'm sorry for not spending more time with you. I'm sorry I'm sorry

IM SORRY.

I'm going to end it. End it all. I can't handle this. I'm going crazy. I'm cold. Your warmth is gone. I'm so lonely. Everyone is gone. I have no one left... I love you grandpa. I wish you would've gotten better, for me."

I'm going to buy a rope. Find a tree. And end it.

I'm going to take a blade. And hurt myself. To suffer and blame myself.

Why me?

I just want it to be normal again.

Normal.

Please.

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This was a quick one cause I need to update and I'm kinda ranting 😨

Thank you for 1.5k+ btw :)

Ily all 😘♡

Stay safe ❤