"FINE" LIES

Lost

Saturday, October 25

I went to Scarlett's house around noon. Anna was already there, when I got there.

"Hey," I said, sitting on the couch.

"You don't look too well," Scarlett said.

"Andy and I fought yesterday. I don't know if he can forgive me either."

"What was it about?" Anna asked.

I looked at Scarlett. When her eyes widened, I knew she knew the message I was sending. "It wasn't important."

"No," Scarlett said. "You should tell her."

"I can't." Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

"What's up?" Anna asked.

I couldn't control the tears as they ran down my face. I sighed. "Anna, for the past year I've been depressed and I've cut myself. And what started it was Hannah."

Anna took my hand. "I know how you feel. For a short while after my parents divorced, I was depressed."

I cringed at the word divorced, remembering that my mom and dad almost divorced.

"I'm glad you told me though," Anna said.

"Yeah, me, too," I said. "Now I just have to tell everyone else."

"Is Hannah coming?"Anna asked, changing the subject.

"No," Scarlett said. "She's busy."

I had to control the smile that lit up my face.

A little while later, when everyone came, we sat around in a circle and just talked. Somehow, we got to the subject of Hannah.

"I'm just glad she's not here," I said.

"Same," Anna said.

"She can be too much," Maia said.

"I remember one time when she ignored me the whole day, because I said that I liked something before her," Reina said.

"I hate when she does that," Anna said. "It's so irritating. Like, it doesn't matter who liked it before her. I mean like you both it, so why does it matter?"

"I know right," I said. "Everything is such a competition with her."

"Sometimes I feel bad for her though," Scarlett said. "Because I think about the fact that she really doesn't have friends, like true friends, because we all don't like her."

"Yeah," I said. "And sometimes I just want to tell her how I really feel and about everything she's caused."

"But knowing Hannah," Maia said, "she might become depressed and think of suicide or cutting or something."

I cringed. Maia made it sound like she'd turn into a freak, a freak like me.

Scarlett took my hand. I was glad that she noticed my discomfort. Scarlett was usually the one comfort me when I was sad.

"That's another reason why I held it in," I said. "I know she'd be the person to do that, so we'd feel guilty."

"Like everything has to be about her," Anna said.

"She always has to brag," Reina said.

"One day, I just hope she realizes what she's done," I said.

Later on, around five, we sat around watching a movie and eating pizza. I tried calling Andy. He hadn't answered. I sighed out of frustration.

"Trouble in paradise?" Scarlett asked, teasingly.

I wasn't in the mood. "Funny," I mumbled before rolling my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Andy's not answering my calls."

"What happened?" Reina asked.

"We got in a fight over something," I said. "It's not a big deal."

"It must be if he's acting this way," Maia said.

I was going to confess what happened a year ago, but the serpent snatched the words before they came out my mouth. No words came out my mouth at the time I wanted to pour out everything.

When I thought everyone else was asleep hours later, I tried calling Andy again. I still got no answer.

"You okay?" Scarlett asked.

"Um..." I was considering lying. "No."

Scarlett sat up on the couch, propping herself up on her elbows. "What is it?"

"It's hurts that Andy won't talk to me anymore." I looked up at the ceiling. "I mean I didn't always treat him the best. I guess I just took him for granted. And when I finally lost him, I was..."

"Done?"

I shook my head. "That's not it. I was..."

"Sad?"

I shook my head again. "I don't know what it was. But it was just surprising to hear him snap like that. It really hurt. I just couldn't believe I drove him that far, you know?"

"Andy's one of those people who are silent hurters like you. You hurt on your own. Or you bottle it in. And when something huge happens that upsets you, that's when you know you've reached your breaking point."

"So like me and Hannah?"

Scarlett nodded before lying back down. "I just hope he forgives you."

"Yeah, me, too."