"FINE" LIES

U.N.I.

Tuesday, October 28

When I walked into class, I noticed that Andy was still in all black. And when I met his eyes, I was drowning within the depths of his sadness. I had to force air into my lungs, so I wouldn't lose it. I sat down at my desk.

"Andy," I said. "I'm really sorry. I messed up. Not a lot of people care about me the way you do. It was something I wasn't used to. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to keep pushing you away. I just wanted to push you away before you left. Everyone eventually leaves me or at least tries to."

I knew he heard me, when I saw his jaw clench. I knew he was still angry at me. And I couldn't blame him. I'd be angry too, if he pushed me away even though I knew how he felt. And that was where I messed up. But can you blame me for being afraid of love? It's beautiful, yes, but I see it end in heartbreak more than anything. And I don't want it to feel like my heart stopped beating when he leaves. I don't want my heart to die before I do. But maybe it already has.

At lunch, Andy wasn't at his table. I was busy thinking about where he was. He may have been clean for two years, but it's easy to mess up that two years in three seconds. Andy was strong. He could get through it, but he was weak now. And his serpents would know that it's the perfect time to drag him down again.

I went to Science and sat down at my desk.

"Are you all right?" Kaiden asked.

"I've been better," I said.

"Is it Andy still?"

I nodded. "I tried talking to him again this morning. He listened to me, but he didn't say anything."

"He's not even wearing colors anymore."

"Yeah, I know. And I'm the one to blame."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. And don't tell me otherwise."

Andy walked into class. He was walking slowly. He was slumped down and his shoulders sagged, like he was holding the weight of the world. And he probably was. I couldn't imagine what awful things were swirling around in his head. His sanity was on a thin wire and it might've already snapped.

When I got home, I noticed my mom sitting on the couch, reading. It was weird not seeing her working, but at least she was alive again.

"Hey, mom," I mumbled.

"Everything okay?" she asked, looking above the rim of her glasses.

"Mostly, yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll just be upstairs in my room."

"Okay."

I started walking up to my room. I closed the door behind me, as I went inside my room. I tossed my book bag on my bed. I collapsed right next to it.

I sighed. "I think it's an Ed Sheeran kind of day," I mumbled to myself, as I started playing '+' on my phone.

I didn't know whether the world hated me or understood me, when U.N.I. was the first song to play. I was trying not to think deeply into it, but I couldn't when one of my favorite lyrics played.

"And there's no chance that we'll work it out.
That's why you and I ended over U N I."

Tears started steaming down my face.

Someone knocked on my door. "Danielle," my dad said. "Are you okay?"

I sniffled. "Yeah."

He opened the door and stuck his head in. "Are you sure? I know you're never okay, when you play your music loudly. Especially, if it's Ed Sheeran."

I sat up propping myself up on my elbows. I looked at him, furrowing my eyebrows together. "You know Ed?"

"I know my daughter. And I know on more than one occasion that you've played his songs when you're upset. So, what's wrong?"

"It's still Andy. I'm worried about him."

"He hasn't spoken to you, has he?"

"If he had, I wouldn't be this sad."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yes. He never says a word back."

"There's two things you can do. Give him and the situation time. Or you can grab his attention somehow and talk to him."

"Grab his attention how?"

He shrugged. "You know him better than I do."

"Thanks for the help, dad."

"Was that meant to be sarcastic?"

I slightly smiled. "A little."