We've all been in that place where we are in between sleep and awake. And for one glorious moment the fantasies of our dreams become reality; of course, until we snap back into the truth of it all and are left alone, with nothing but a mere dream. But for that one glorious moment everything seems perfect and right in the world. Like everything we have dreamed came true.
When I snapped back into reality today I wished I was dead. I wished that my life would be over as soon as my eyes opened. I remembered the fight the night before. I remembered everything. At the relapse of the night, shivers are sent throughout my body. The mess on the floor. The screaming. The glass shattering. Daniel storming out. Calling my mother and having her come over in the middle of the night and lay in bed with me. I just can't remember why it all started. I just wish I knew that one thing.. Maybe then I could fix it.. If it is even fixable.
THE NIGHT BEFORE
"Makayla. I don't know what you want me to do. I'm in love with you and you're not in love with me anymore. We can't keep pretending. Every single night I come home and you won't even look at me. What am I supposed to do. I can't live like this. I want to be happy. And truthfully I think the only way for me to be happy at this point is if we separate. I have to leave!" Daniel yells at me from across the apartment.
I know the neighbors can here so I whisper to him to speak lower.
But then my anger hits when I actually see him packing his things to leave.
"Daniel Seavey. Unpack your bags right now. You can't leave me. I may not love you as much as you love me but I... I... I don't know how to love you that much." I admit yelling.
The messy room filled with all his stuff is piled high.
"Get off of me right now! Get off!" He yells.
I hate this.
When he's done packing he just stares at me in silence for five minutes.
No words are exchanged just staring.
You can see the pain and emotion in both our eyes. But we are unable to express to each our opinions.
Daniel picks up his bags and walks out of my life as quickly as he entered.
I take the glass sitting on the table and throw it across the room.
The sadness in my heart grew and grew to the point where I was gasping for air after every tear.
I reach for the phone on the table.
The cold floor presses against my legs as I dial in my mothers phone number.
She picks up right away, as if she knew what were going on.
I just hope tomorrow will come and daniel will come home for me. I might not have shown it but I did love him. Not as much when we were teenagers in love. But deep down i loved him.
My mother shows up and changes me into my pajamas. She lays me down in the bed and sleeps right next to me. All I can think about is Daniel. And how I wished that everything would change.
I slip from reality into a fantasy forgetting this night ever happened.
PRESENT DAY
When all the pieces start coming together and the full reality of what happened hits me. I am heartbroken. I didn't love Daniel as much as he loved me. I didn't do enough in our marriage to keep us together. I was an awful wife. He was right. I'm just so confused as to how I move on from here. How do I overcome this. How do I move on from such a huge mistake... I really don't know and I'm really afraid.
But perhaps that place in between sleep and awake was meant to show us what could have been and what might have been. Maybe it is supposed to bring some happiness before reality strikes and we are left alone. Maybe it serves as what we wished we had done differently the day before and shows us how our lives would have been different if we changed something. I'll always see Daniel there. Even if we're not together anymore. For that one glorious moment I'll be with him and he can hold me close in his arms once again. For that one glorious moment reality won't ruin my life.
