Forgotten

7 | Goodbyes

Bella sat in her room, looking around at the mess she had created trying to find everything she needed to pack. It was only 3 weeks, she had told herself. Trying not to think about the fact that that was twenty one days with her mother and father. It wasn't like she was really close friends with anybody at Hogwarts anyway, nobody was going to miss her over the Christmas.

She would have her brother, and Christmas was a time for parties, meaning the house should have enough people in it that her parents wouldn't dare doing anything truly catastrophic. After all, other people's opinions as the most important thing. 

A hand pounding on her door pulled her out of the trance-like-state she was in, the rabbit hole she created in her head, each thought dragging her deeper and deeper until she couldn't see the way out anymore, "Bella? Are you in there?" Evan's voice shouted through the locked wooden door.

"Yes." She responded, not wanting to talk to anybody at this moment. She had been this way all week. Shutting herself off from anybody that reminded her of her family. Evan, Regulus, Rodolphus.. They all connected to her family in some way. Barty however didn't. So she had been spending an absurd amount of time with him.

"Are you nearly ready? I'm going to go and hang out with Barty and Regulus before we have to go, was wondering if you wanted to come too?." She wasn't nearly ready, she was lay in a pile of clothes with her head trapped in her arms, tears threatening to spill out of her stinging eyes.

"I'm just finishing packing now. I think I'm just going to read for a while. I'll meet you in the common room before we have to leave, okay?" It wasn't okay, she was cutting herself off from everybody. Even the people she was closest to in the world. She just didn't want to be there anymore, she didn't want to have to come to terms with the fact that in just a matter of hours she would be back home.

"Okay. If you change your mind we'll be down near potions." She heard his footsteps trod away from her door and eventually descend down the stairs. She was alone again.

She returned to what she should have been doing all day, which was putting the things she needed in her bag, such as books and items of clothing, which she had charmed to hold anything she wanted without extending the size or the weight.

She couldn't think straight or move properly, so she slumped back onto the hard wooden floor, eyes flickering and her breathing getting abruptly faster. Her hands shook as she tried to wipe away the unwelcome tears that we're streaming down her face.

"Why the fuck do I have to go back there?!" She exclaimed, not to anything in particular, just to whatever was there. Her walls didn't let any sound in or out so there wasn't a chance of anybody nearby hearing.

"What did I do to deserve this?!" Her breaths had almost completely stopped now, the air flow in her lungs stagnant. The only noise that came out of her mouth were the sobs and screams coming from her heart and soul.

"I didn't fucking do anything. Why is it always me?! Why do I have to be the one to survive this?" Her words were getting quieter now, not only from the lack of oxygen but from the lack of strength too. She just felt so weak, like she had no power over what was going to happen to her.

"Why do I have to survive? Why can't I just fucking stop this shit forever. Once and for all..." Her voice was now hardly even a whisper, dark spots taking over her vision, expanding until they nearly filled every aspect of sight she had ever had.

"Arabella?" A voice said, she couldn't quite figure out who it was but they sounded far away, too far to help her from whatever was taking over. "Bella, open the fucking door!" The same voice said. It sounded like he was even further away this time but he was still banging on her door, she didn't know anybody in the world with arms long enough for that.