W A N D A x N A T A S H A - R E D

9. Talk

POV Natasha

With all my power I punch at the punching ball hanging before me. I scream with every punch.
I punch again.
And again.
My whole body is wet from sweat. My head is red and I feel like I can't breath anymore.
I punch again.
I scream.

'Come on.' I say to myself. But I can't anymore. Angry I kick the punching ball with my leg.
Angry because I couldn't meet my own expactations. I feel how tired my body is. How my stamina is getting worse. And I'am so angry because of it.
My mission is in a week, and it feels like this isn't my body.

It's three days ago since I took the drugs, but my body aches for more. I dream about it. About the feeling I'll have if I take them. How peaceful it is to stop seeing those flashbacks. To just have fun. To just live. To stun myself, that I can't feel anything anymore.

But the words of Wanda impressed me. I thought about it a lot. Most of the time I hate it when people go all therapeutic around me. I always make fun of them, because they think about themselves as better than me. But Wanda... she knew what she was talking about. It felt like she knew what I was going through without saying a word. And that.. that made me feel like she understood me.

It's evening. Clint and I are sitting in the dining room together. We eat the pizza we ordered.
'How are you?' he asks while grabbing a slice.
I nod. 'I talked.'
'And?' He smirks. 'You still alive?'
I smile. 'Shut up Clint.'
He smiles with his eyes. He thinks and pauses for a second.
'You're a strange woman, Nat.' He then says.
I smirk. 'Yet you still hang out with me.'
He laughs.

After dinner I walk back to my room. I told Clint I talked, told him I was doing great. But I'am a liar.
I decided that I need to go to the city. I need something to get my mind off.
Just a little bit. Not too much. And if I use not too much, then it's completely fine, right?
Then it's okay.
I mean. It's not because I'am an addict. It's only because I need to calm my brain down.

I undo myself of my suit and grab some nice clothes. A tight jeans with a red top on it.
While I'am changing some thought arises in my head. What if.. what if I juist buy it? I know where I can get it. Then I don't have to ask anyone in the club. Then I have it.. for myself.
I want to grab my bag and I'am about to go, when I hear her voice. 'What are you going to do?'
Fuck.

I look around in the room, but I don't see Wanda. I turn around and suddenly she stands before me.
'You'll regret it.' She says.
'You don't know what I was going to do.'
She scoffs. 'It isn't that hard..' she looks at the clothes I'am wearing.
'Let me come with you, than I know you won't take anything you'll regret.'

'I don't need a babysitter.' I say.
'It could be fun, you know. You and me. Dancing. We only are busy with work all day long. We never do something fun. I'd love to do that with you.'
I shrug. Not amused about the fact she found out.
'Nat? Come on.'
'I told you. I don't need a babysitter.' But she looks at me with this begging eyes. And... the thought of us going out together. You know. It sounds great.
'Okay.. okay.' I say. 'But on one condition!'
'I choose where we go.'
She nods. 'Fine.' And she smiles at me.

Two hours later we are in the city. I'd choose another club, because I don't want to meet any old friends. Wanda looks amazing. I told her she looked 'fine', but my God I can't take my eyes off of her. She wears a tight redwine top. Leather black pants. Her hair in a ponytail.
'So.. you wanna go here?' With a worried face she points at the name of the club.
I smirk. 'I know it here.'

We enter the club and I laugh when I see the face of Wanda. Around us people dance in not much clothes, people wear leather or crazy outfits.
I love it here. Nobody knows me here. Nobody recognizes me. And I secretly love the craziness. But I won't admit that to anyone ever.