W A N D A x N A T A S H A - R E D

40. Words of trauma

POV Natasha

My brain hurts. My thoughts are confusing me. My eyes are stinging. My heart beating faster than what's supposed to be normal.

I try to be calm, try to think about something else. But I can only see Quinn's head on the floor. Seeing the blood around her makes my stomach turn.
I saw a lot of dead people in my life, the majority of them I killed myself. But seeing Quinn get killed...

I always wanted her dead, I fantasized about killing her a lot. But seeing her dead face lying there.. it did something with me.
First because she has it her way, she exactly has what she wanted: me who takes her child. And second, because deep inside I really loved her. She was a big part of my life, despite everything she did to me.. I cared for her. Even though she was more than a psychopath.

From the back of the plane I look at Wanda, she sits next to the child. She smiles while she tries to explain him how a plane works. The boy looks confused at her, but seems to enjoy himself.
I see how Steve, Bruce and Clint are listening to her story.

I think back at the moment when I saw her kill Quinn. I hated the way she stood there, full of pure hatred, blinded by rage. The way she beat up Quinn shocked me, there was nothing left of her anymore. Quinn's face was covered in blood, her clothes torn, her bandages ripped from her body.
I saw Wanda fight often, I saw her kill before. But I never saw her hurting someone with so much passion.

And that kind of scared me.

'You okay?' I look in the eyes of Yelena. On her cheek a bruise, her neck full of scratches. Sam found her in a cell near the one of the child, she told me how Quinn hurt her. She fought her way out together with Sam. I was so relieved when I saw her.

'Yes kind of.' I say when I take a glass of water from her. I see Yelena looking at Wanda.
'You talked to her?' She asks me while she sits down in front of me.
I shake my head.

The moment Wanda looked at me after she killed Quinn, I didn't recognize her anymore. She killed the mother of the child that's casually sitting next to her now. She killed the woman that I was with for a couple of years. And she doesn't seem to care.

'Maybe I'm the only one in this.' Yelena says. 'But I totally agree on killing her. Who wants Quinn as a mother? She was crazy as fuck. It's better she's dead now.'

I raise a brow. 'You can't say stuff like that.' I say.
'Think Natasha.' She says, her Russian accent having the overtone. 'Be happy she died. She's a real psychopath. She only would hurt more people.'

I look away frustrated, she doesn't get it.

'Don't go all emotional now because you were once together.'

'I'm not emotional!' I say and stand up angry.

-

In silence I move the wheel of the black Audi. Wanda told me the other car was full and that Otis wanted to sit with Steve.
But I'm not stupid. I know Steve. He just wants us to talk and make things right, that's the only reason Wanda wasn't allowed in their car.

Both of us haven't said a word since we start driving, and that must be half an hour ago already.

I have my gaze focused on the road, I refuse to start a conversation with her. But I'm kind of relieved when I hear how she breaths in air to say something.

'Why are you so mad at me?' She asks.

She starts with the most complicated question.

Brave.

I clear my throat. 'Because you killed Quinn and you took that weird child with you.' I know that I probably trigger her by talking like this, but I can't help to say it.