W A N D A x N A T A S H A - R E D

16. My sweet escape

'I breathe you in again.
Just to feel you.
Underneath my skin.
Holding on to.
The sweet escape.
Is always laced with a,
Familiar taste of poison.'
- Halestorm

POV Natasha

It's morning. I took them again last night. Not because I wanted to, more because I had to.
I feel like an imposter. The biggest failure who has ever lived.

They would laugh at me if they knew. They would spit on me and never looked me in the eye anymore. It's ashame I don't see them anymore.
Not because I loved to be around them. No, because those judgmental eyes would motivate me to quit. To stop. To put an end to this bullshit.

But I start to get weak. And I don't know if it's because of the woman I see everyday. I don't know if it's because my past still haunting me. And I don't know if it's just me..

I stand up. I feel dizzy. Tired. I planned to train with Steve within an hour, but I don't feel like talking to people. I just wanna go on a mission. Just wanna leave here. But 'here' is my home, my work and everything I have.

I open my drawer under my nightstand. I grab one of the books I don't read anymore. It's a Russian novel I bought years ago. I always bring it with me, but I never touched the papers further than chapter two.
When I open it, I see the little bag smiling at me.
It's how I start my day everyday.

I put the powder on the book. My heart beat rises of excitement.
The energy I will feel after this.
The tiredness that will disappear.
The clearness in my head that will appear.

Greedy I let it disappear in my nose. I try to be quiet, Wanda can't hear me.
I do it again. I feel my throat and nose being numbed. The feeling is satisfying.
I put the book back.

I hear the door opening my room.
'Nat?'
My eyes shoot up to the door.
'Nat?' She tries again, but then softer.

'I'am awake, Maximoff.' I say.
When she enters my room, I can only look at the top she's wearing.
She just wears a tight black crop top, covering her chest. Under it her black panties.
Is she doing this on purpose?

'Can I talk to you Nat?' She says softly.
'If you look like that, it's not gonna be much talking.' I say when I observe her body greedy.
Man, it's such a gift to just look at her. Why is it that she's so perfect.

She smiles awkwardly. She closes the door behind her and sits down on my bed.
I look at her and smile.
With her soft hand she touches my cheek.
I love it when she does that. I love it when she looks at me with this careful, lovely eyes.

'It's just..' she starts. 'Clint wanted to talk to me yesterday.'
In my head I roll my eyes. I don't want to talk about Clint right now. I don't wanna talk at all. I just want her to kiss me. I want her to just touch me, feel me.. fuck me.

'What is it he told you?' I say instead of talking about my thoughts.
I feel the drugs kicking in. I feel how my heart beat rises, how my pupils grow, and my eyes become wider. This amazing feeling coming over me. The feeling I waited for.

'Not much. He was mad at me.' She looks down. She looks at her hands playing with the sheets. 'He told me that he knew you were using again. And that I needed to care for you better. That it wasn't enough what I did.'
I look at her eyes. Full of guilt. Full of regret and disappointment. Not towards me, but towards herself.