The Volition

Twenty-One

I curled up on the couch going through bridal magazines. There was so much white and tulle it was giving me a headache. Kuma whined at my feet. Smirking I swung my legs over the couch grabbing her leash off the counter.

I took her for a long walk down the road. There was so much running through my head. Eli and I had decided to move into his house he built. It wasn't really up for discussion. My house was made for one person. I had already sent my books over to join his. We were going to keep my home though and use it as a place to host company and have a place for our guests to sleep for the ceremony.

I was leaving my job in the library. Even though he wasn't real, Kyle inspired me to finally write the book I had been wanting to write for years. Eli bought me a beautiful typewriter stating that all the great writers wrote on one.

My life felt great. I looked down at my hand. I smiled laughing to myself. Kuma tugged on her leash. I realized I had stopped walking. "Sorry." I mumbled to her.

By the time we got back home I felt exhausted. My head hurt from all the thinking. I began to panic. What if I was making a mistake? What if I was rushing into things? What if this was super crazy and totally insane.

There was a knock at the door snapping me out of my whirlpool of anxiety. I jumped up from the couch practical running to the door to distract myself. I flung it open to see Eli standing there smiling.

"Hey." He said kissing my forehead.

"Hi." I said a little too quickly.

"What's wrong?" He looked at me skeptically.

"Nothing." I smiled stepping aside to let him in.

"Really?" He asked raising his eyebrows walking inside.

I closed the door behind him slapping my thighs, "Yeah. How're you doing?"

"What's wrong?" He asked, "Just tell me." He put his hands on my shoulders.

"What if you learn that I snore and it drives you crazy?" I blurted out.

"What?" Eli shook his head.

"What if I don't get all my hair out of the shower drain and it grosses you out? I shed like crazy!" I started pacing back and forth, "What if Kuma barks in the middle of the night? What if I'm too much to handle? What if I say something stupid or wrong?" Eli looked at me and started to laugh. I glared at him, "Why are you laughing at me?"

"Babe, I am crazy about you." Eli shook his head, "there isn't a single thing you could do that would turn me away." He smiled, "I would do anything for you. And if you snore I'll get ear plugs. I shed too, I promise to clean the drain out after every shower use. If Kuma barks in the middle of the night I'll feed her or take her for a walk so she doesn't wake you. We've been through a lot together. I think if you were too hard to handle I would've known by now. There is no way you could ever say anything stupid or wrong. I love you. Don't you get that?"

I looked at him standing in my doorway. I started to sniffle letting a few tears escape. "What if I mess up?" I asked my heart racing.

"What if I mess up?" Eli asked.

"You're perfect." I shook my head.

Eli laughed, "Far from it. I actually know that I do snore."

I smiled, "Then I'll get ear plugs."

Eli left a few hours later and I went to packing up more boxes. Mostly putting my clothes away. I sighed thinking again how my panic attack nearly took my for a loop. Eli was right. Everything would be fine and I was freaking out over nothing. I shook my head trying to shake the crazy thoughts away.

I walked over to my bed and sat on the mattress falling back into it. Eli and I had been through so much. Why was it so hard for me to just be content? I closed my eyes trying to picture our wedding next month. The butterflies in my stomach intensified with each thought.

I stood up walking over to my desk Eli had made me. I pulled a piece of paper through the typewriter beginning to write my vows.

Eli,

You are the great love of my life. You mean everything and more to me. Without you I don't think I could have managed nine months ago. You are strong and solid. You are my rock. You have kept me safe since the first day I met you. You were always my home. I love you so much.

Always and forever.

I smiled rereading the words over and over again, making sure everything was perfect. I ripped the paper out and folded it carefully, tucking it in a book left on my desk.

I walked downstairs sitting back on the couch going through more bridal magazines. Hours went by and the sun had gone down. Still I hadn't found a dress I liked. I was getting frustrated with the details of it all. Did I want my hair up? Down? Veil? No veil? If I don't have a veil what do I have? A tiara? Flowers placed delicately in my hair?

I stretched my neck trying to release the tension. This was dumb. I was getting so worked up over the smallest of things. I just needed to calm down. I just needed to relax, chill out, stop stressing. Everything would be okay. I knew I would eventually find the perfect-

I looked down at the magazine seeing this beautiful cream dress. It was floor length with a train in the back. The back of the dress was pure lace with white buttons running down it. It had long sleeves and it seemed to hug the models body. It was perfect. The perfect dress.

The knock at the door brought me back to reality. Smiling and laughing I stood up walking over to the door.

"I found the dress!" I said opening it quickly laughing hysterically.

"Hey Ace. Miss me?"