The Volition

Fifteen

"I don't want the surgery." I looked at the doctor stone faced.

"Hey, wait, this is your best option." Eli reasoned.

"He's right, this is the best way we can make sure the tumor is completely gone." The doctor nodded his head.

"What are the odds you get it all out?" I asked.

"I'm very good at what I do." The doctor said smiling.

"Don't get defensive. I just want to know. What are my odds of survival on the table."

The doctor frowned, "I'm not going to sugar coat this. The tumor is not shrinking as I'd hoped. It's pressing dangerously close and could start a bleed pretty soon. The morphine we've given you is what's holding back the pain." His eyes grew serious, "You could seize out on the table and die." I nodded my head in understanding, "But if we don't take it out you will certainly die."

I lowered my gaze to my feet. Eli gripped my hand tightly. I felt tired and defeated. Oddly enough I felt something else too.

Hope.

"So if I stop taking the morphine you're saying I'd be in immense pain." I whispered. I tried to sound as scared as possible.

"Yes." The doctor said.

"And the hallucinations?" I asked weakly trying to put on the best act I could.

"You would most likely begin to see Kyle again." The doctor said. He leaned in towards me smiling, "Let's not get it to that point though okay?"

I nodded my head forcing my mouth to stay in a frown but inside I was elated.

"We'll get through this." Eli said reaching over with his free hand patting our hands clasped together. I nodded trying to not smile. I hoped it seemed like I was trying to be strong.

I heaved a sigh of relief and stood sticking my hand out to the doctor, "Thank you but I would still like to do some more research." He shook my hand as I smiled at him, "I'll be in touch." I lied. I was doing that a lot lately.

"Of course. Take the time you need but don't take too much. This is very time sensitive. I'll schedule the surgery now and if you end up canceling that's okay."

I walked to the door but Eli stayed behind. I couldn't hear what they were saying but one thing did stick out. The doctor said "She won't make it past next week."

That's what I was counting on doc.

By the time I reached home the sun was going down. Eli walked me to my door making sure I safely got inside. He kissed my cheek, I had already convinced him I was too tired to keep any more company. I knew he wanted to talk about the appointment but I couldn't do anymore talking.

"I'll be fine." I smiled widely, "I'm just so tired. Let's do something fun tomorrow." I tugged down on his arm smiling brightly at him. He seemed to take it because he chuckled nodding his head.

"Yeah sure. We can go to the fair and walk around."

"Ooh! And ride the Ferris wheel? I love the Ferris wheel! And cotton candy!" I did a slight jump faking excitement.

"Absolutely." Eli placed his hand on my cheek rubbing his thumb over it softly. I smiled standing on my tip toes to kiss him as passionately as I could.

I thought about Kyle the entire kiss.

I yawned lifting my arms above my head stretching, "Okay, so tomorrow then?" I said through my yawn.

Eli nodded, "Tomorrow then." He leaned down and kissed me again leaving me at the door. I watched him get in his car waving goodbye.

Quickly I scrambled inside scouring everywhere for my pills. I found every pill bottle I could located and rushed to the bathroom. Lifting the lid to the toilet up I opened each bottle and poured them inside the bowl. Looking proudly at what I had done, I reached over and flushed.

Now all I had to do was wait.

It happened in the middle of the night. I sat in my chair jostling my leg up and down waiting for the pain to come. I was ready. My hands gripped the arms of the chair as I watched the time slowly pass by me.

3:28 am.

That's when it hit like a wave. It knocked me backwards as a sharp pain grew more boldly with each passing second. It stung the backs of my eyes and I clenched my teeth together tightly. My leg stopped jiggling and I gripped the chair for support. I grunted as I silently prayed for the inevitable-

"Hey Ace."

I smiled taking in deep breathes. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I licked my lips trying again but still I couldn't make a sound. My heart raced as butterflies flurried in my stomach. I felt like I was going to throw up out of excitement and pain.

I looked up to see him standing there in front of me. I laughed out loud digging my nails into the chair deeper. I smiled as fresh tears broke out from my eyes. Fleeing as fugitives they ran down my cheeks spilling on top of each other and flinging themselves off my chin.

"You're here." I sighed. "You came." I closed my eyes lowering my head back down. It was so heavy. I shook it back and forth in disbelief.

The corners of my sight grew fuzzy and I knew I didn't have much time. I tried to stand but I didn't have the strength. I slouched back into the chair trying to gather the strength to look back up.

"Please. Don't leave me again." I begged. "I- I couldn't bear losing you again. I'd rather die." The tears rushed breaking the gates open. Emotion filled my soul and weighed my heart down. "Just don't go. Just don't leave me. Just stay. Stay here with me. Stay with me forever." I cried harder but the pain wouldn't let up.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?" I asked.

"I promise."

"I love you." I confessed.

"I love you too, Ace."

And then I finally passed out.

Author's note:
Hey readers! Our girl is going through some hard times! Let me know what you think! Vote and comment!! Thanks for reading Love you all :)