One Hundred Days

Day 18

I awoke at dawn because I felt queasy. I didn't want to wake anyone so I stayed as still as I could whilst, in my head, running through the events of yesterday. I still don't get why Louis tried to kiss me it just made me feel even more nauseated. I waited for Mikey to wake up in the bed next to me. He wouldn't do that for a few hours yet. I felt very nauseous and in pain over then next hour or so whilst I waited. Mikey then sturd when I coughed  he was strait on his feet. He looked down at me and gently  put his hand on my forehead.

"Are you okay? What hurts," he asked kind of panicked

"I have a headache my whole body aches and I feel like I'm going to puke," I sounded horse and my voice was so laboured.his eyes grew wide with concern.

"I don't know how to look after a sick person nor do I have the time," Mikey mumbled under his breath turning away I don't think he know I heard him. He left and came back with a glass of water which he put down on my bedside table, "Drink it but not all at once sip it," He told me helping me sit up and propping me up on my pillows. I slowly sipped on the water. Mikey walked out the room. I felt unwanted, unloved. when I was younger before this stupid band thing happened, before they were famous he didn't have to worry about the public he looked after me. Mum was bad but she was okay sometimes. Stupid fame goes to heads. It went to Ashton's the manipulating arshole. Or was the problem not the fame. Was it me. Deep down I knew it was me. I always did. Mum turning crazy when Mikey left was my fault I wasn't good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not happy enough. I'm not talented enough. I'm just not enough. The boys are people's idols and they save lives. Then there's me. I'm just here. Just a mistake. A waste of space. A waste of oxygen. I wish I was just a better person. Freaking strangers hate me. Ni came in.

"Mikey had to go to a radio show he'll be back in a few hours minimum. He promises," Niall teld me gently, "You need to take this and then you have to eat some breakfast,"

"No," I simply replied, "I don't want to be part of this anymore. This is all too much," I told him. I didn't say anymore as tears rolled down my cheaks. Everything just was too much for me. This nlife for starters. I would prefer to be dead than have been found. I don't even know who found me. They destroyed in one sweep my whole world my walls. My walls that I had used to keep everyone away now the world can see me. They watch me just like they watch the celebrities.

"They'll be live in thirty minutes were watching it on the telly," Niall told me. He gave me a hug, "We love you okay," he then left. I got up, hopped in the shower hopped out and was dressed it ten minutes I had stolen one of Mikey's sweaters and was using it to hide my arms. I walked into the living room and sat on a chair by the door. Quiet and in noticed I waited for my brother to be on the screen smiling, happy, with his friends. After about five minutes they were there Luke shy and awkward. Calum giggly and cute. Mikey grinning, sat as far away from Ashton as he could.

They talked to the interviewer and then left whilst a song was playing. I stayed because the presenter had something about them playing some songs for us. I waited. They played three of their songs then Luke paused.

"We've chosen to do a cover by The Vamps," Luke said.

The first chords rang out through the TV. I wasn't aware what it was called

" If you want words to put your mind at rest tonight,
Come shout about it.
We can talk for a hundred miles and drive
Where you're less surrounded.
Cause I can see that the candle you hold inside
Has a cloud around it.
How can a heart like yours be that high and dry
When it burns the brightest.

I'm so sorry I can't stop myself from staring at you,
When you're tired and blue, my dear.
It's just any reason I get to be closer to you,
I wanna shout about it,
Oh, I wanna shout about it.