Well., wow it's been a while since im wrote in here. Ig i can say a lot of things have happened, I'm with someone rn but we've been arguing a lot lately., mostly bc of stuff i do that i don't even try to honestly. Like i wanted to watch a movie since i wasn't allowed to when i was little and when i told him he just say "no" and then we started to argue about it then he left till i was done with the movie. My mental health is kinda getting better but it's also getting bad at the same time. Dont get me wrong im starting to like my live. But i've been missing a few people and it's been hard. My old ex bf/gf adopted someone a while back. I dated her bc she liked me so i dated her back but yes i liked her abit. She would give me updates on who were gonna call Jeff. He was in the hospital and that was how i 1st met her was from her emailing me or something from his account. a while ago It was almost our i think 1st or 2nd month anniversy close to my birthday. And i liked someone else well kinda... not really but they confessed and i hate rejecting people so i didn't say anything. I broke up with her a few days before my birthday after her's and she got bad upset. and shot herself. I was called a killer for many of months. Sometimes i still do wish i didn't do that because i never wish death apon someone unless its my mother or step mom. After a month or 2 i made a new account and texted Jeff only because. someone named Baddeku told me to add him. I didn't want to add Jeff bc ik it would go wrong and something would happen.. i was right because we started arguing after he knew it was me. I felt bad and terrible but ik he wouldn't really believe me. I was black mailed by a lot of people that time because i was really really low.. I was fine with being a toy again and getting hurt like i was use to. But my bf found out and flipped. I love him and all don't get me wrong but.. sometimes i wanna be single or with someone else.. I dated him origanally to make him happy but i didn't like him 100%.. i told him that a while ago because he made me be honest so i was.
but my "new" counselor left bc she didnt know how to help me and she said my probs were from my older sister. Which might be true, im even being forced to change myself for her. when i shouldn't have too. Hell she doesn't have to change but yet i have to change when i did nothing wrong but treat her how she treats me. and yet she wants me to hug her after she talks shit about me, my friends, lgbt, my bf and more. like how tf do u expect me to drop all that shit and just hug her. No, i can't do that unless she changes herself too.. she talks shit about me to me not giving a flying fuck if she hurts me or not. Dont say "she does care" bc ik she doesn't if she did she wouldn't make me do all the shit in the house.
But ig on a good note kinda, my dad's letting me cosplay now TvT as long as it aint revealing or i show it off in a sexual way he said i can. im excited for halloween im decided on being Pyramid Head from Silent hill but a female version of him. TvT im a bit scared bc 1. i can not really see in the head peace, and 2. bc my dad said i could wear my stripper boots on halloween TvT but those are the only ones that somewhat match ;-; my dad's been helping me make it though. Since natalies at work now most days my dad and i hangout together since im always in my room and he's mainly at work. I like that i can hangout with him without her there because when i was little she always took my dad away from me and made me go in my room and stay there till dinner. So i wasn't really close to my dad when i was a kid but im slowly getting close to him which im glad about.
Idk why but i've been missing Jeff as a friend. idk why i haven't till recently. I've been feeling terrible after we argued bc i mean even when we did have our bad times we also had some really nice times too... He was the one who made me happy when i was alone and in my dark spot. not as a talking buddy or someone to use as a punching bad just a friend. i dont have much friends anymore. I lost one but we talked again now, and 1 i stopped being friends with bc it took her 2 years to realize i wanted help. She only wanted to help bc i saw through her and that she was fake af. Used me as a punching bag litterly., her dad is the 2nd worst creep i've met.. Like how tf u gonna stand there and say about a 12 year old and say they have a big ass. i didn't know he said that till months later though. But i've been confused. bc the girl i said shot herself. im wondering if she was ever real. Bc no i haven't seen her but Jeff said that the female pic he sent (if was just him in a female filter) he said it was her irl but i didn't believe it bc the pic was him in the female filter ik it was -,- i have seen his face but not her true face. bc "she wasn't allowed to" dont get me wrong if its true i regret that. But deep down i just feel like it was Jeff the whole time. I didn't have much proof it was someone else. And jeff liked me too but i wouldn't date him so i thought that it could of been him but i dont know. I wanna know if i was just dating him or a fake person or not.
I did get a bit happy though, a few people in a MHA Animal rp group that im in it's been quiet for monthhhhhhhhhhhhhs and now a few people are texting in it or texting me again i did get a bit happy about that bc nobody talks to me anymore unless i text 1st and i hate doing that. bc sometimes ill try and make a convo and then it just gets awkward. and i am TERRIBLEEEEEE in awkward positions or anything TvT. Schools been a bitch though i mean ik Highschool is a bit hard but ughhhhh i hate this. im glad i do online atleast. but ik some people gonna hate me next year when i go to my old towns highschool 0_0 my ex is gonna be there, my 2-4 old friends there, and surprisingly a few people who i didn't even know said i was popular. i mean like- damn XD i got popular in the school less then a damn month. might of been because i was in CC but i miss that ;-; i wanna do cc as my old school my couch was amazing and she loved me TvT i dont wanna do cc at the highschool. butttt imma try out for Soccer next year for sure. My whole family is soccer lover's anyways -,- but i also use to love soccer as a kid and i sure as hell aint gonna be doin Track there -,- schools are bitches some girl went to trip me but i stopped and she fell in a ditch and had to restart the entire thing XD sucks to be her. I wanna try getting ahold of Jeff though to apologize but idk how. but ig ill try i might know a way but TvT ig we'll see.
