Well I've noticed how I am when I talk to someone. Like I started talking to my friend Jeff again after a while, which I am glad to talk to them again. Bc ik a lot has happened but I always knew he wouldnt judge me. A lot of people hated it, whenever they tried to make me feel better about myself it didnt work. Only 1 person made me feel better about myself, even though I just hide it mainly everyday there the 1 ik if I dont hide I wont get judged which makes me feel comfortable and all. Ik it might sound weird but it's true. But its are a bit difficult sometimes. Not being around them, but just my feelings. Bc I have liked them before a couple times, and just at random I'll get a bit of feelings, but idk what to do.
My dad well, he makes "jokes" about me being lazy. But to me it actually hurts, bc I wake up every morning I either run bu my lil sis to her bus stop and back home, clean the whole house, go my school, work, take care of my cat, get my sister, do her work with her, and get dinner planned out. Everyday, and I hate it bc whenever I get "introuble" or there mad at me they just call me lazy. And it makes me mad but it feels like a stab in the leg everytime, and it just slows my down more and more with how much they say that to me. Like a few days ago, my sister didnt have school since its spring break and all. And she just wakes up, plays on her phone, and gets on the tv all day. Than when I tell her to go clean her room she whines and says no, so I did speak how I felt to her in a child way. Bc her mom spoiled her and she knows it but she acts like this all the time before and after she gets with her mom.
I also think ik my mood is being everywhere, being woke up every more around 4, 6, 7 AM everymorning -,- by a cat clawing at my face could be why. Thankfully she doesnt fully dig her claws in my face, hurts enough when it's in ur throat lol. She tries to get behind my drawers. Bc since I have so many pants for no reason they dont fully close so she climbs in there and gets behind but she cant get out so she meows but she freaks out and when she does she almost chokes herself trying to get out instead of letting me trying to open the damn dresser door -,-
Ik i ain't even ready for a relationship, and I dont know if I truly like someone. Like yes I get feelings but will they stay? That's was always my biggest fear in relationships, bc I hate breakups. Bc then ik they never talk to u again, but if u do then it could just bc awkward. And it's rare to have an ex u can talk to like normal and it not be weird.
