With love, ~ A zodiac story

Chapter 12 - Orange Juice

⚠️ Disclaimer: body image issues and ED if these topics are sensitive to you please feel free to skip this chapter. ⚠️

{ Song:
Orange juice
By: Melanie Martinez}

Taurus Pov:

I sat picking at my food as Scorpio, Pieces, and Capricorn rambled on about something they overheard in the hallway. Probably some prank thing so they can scare us into thinking we're fighting some evil villain. I mean cmon, we're 19.

"So wait, let me get this straight. Ophi is a evil mastermind who is cooperating with Mrs. Lea to kill us all?" Leo sarcastically questioned.

"Well, not exactly. Ohpi is not the villain, he just knows what the villian is going to do and-" Pieces got interrupted by Scorpio.

"I told you it sounded stupid!" he rolled his eyes.

I quietly sighed and put my fork down on my plate before pushing it away from me.

Cancer glanced over at me, sensing something was wrong, "You ok?" she asked, tilting her head to the side a little.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just..not hungry." I smiled softly at her as she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Are you sure, you didn't have anything for breakfast either? Do you not like the food? Do you want something else? I'll make you something."

"No, no, it's fine, really. My stomach has been hurting all day. I'm just not in the mood. Thank you though Cancer, it's really sweet of you." I assured her.

"Oh ok." She nodded, still not fully convinced looking back at my full plate of food, "Just tell me if you need something."

"Ok, I will. I think I'm just going to head up to bed though tonight." I pushed out a yawn and picked up my dishes, placing them on the counter for leftovers later.

"Ok yeah, it's been a long day" she agreed and got up and put away her things away too, before smiling and saying "goodnight"

I headed up to my room, even though I was probably just going to sit on my phone for another two hours.

I opened my door and was met with a regular twin mattress and some unpacked boxes. I walked over to my bed and tossed my body onto it.

I feel like shit.

I sat there for awhile just staring at my ceiling before grabbing my phone and putting some music on.

It's fine.

I'm going to be ok.

[Flashback to a year ago]

I don't necessarily hate myself.

That's the truth.

I love myself actually. Sometimes too much.

I just don't like myself.

Does that make any sense?

I stood in the mirror for what seemed to be the millionth time this week. After three whole seasons of Love Island and two bags of chips I officially wanted to puke up my entire lung system out.

I bent down to the smaller close up mirror and picked at my acne. I know I shouldn't have done that but whatever.

I grab a rubber band and pull my hair into a overly messy bun.

Looking at myself in the mirror again I sighed.

I just don't understand.

I would break my back to make somebody smile but why can't I have the same affection towards myself.

God, even thinking about it makes me want to throw up.

I glance around my room. Empty water bottles and dirty dishes stare right back at me.

I hate this. I hate that I'm sitting here thinking about it like this. Like I'm a monster because I ate a bag of potatoes chips. Like when I eat something at lunch I feel like everyone in the room is starting at me in disgust. Like the more air I take up, the more I feel trapped in my own body. I can't think about anything other than how I look. What I do. What I wear. What other people think of me. What I think of myself. I just hate it. All of it.

A big knot formed in my throat making it impossible to swallow down anymore thoughts.

My mom used to tell me, "The hardest part of overcoming a problem is having to admit that you're going through the problem in the first place."

That's a lot easier than said mom.

I forced my eyes back into the mirror. I wanted it to break. To fall to the ground and shatter my skin.

It didn't though.

I tried to bring words to my mouth, but only silence came out.

My mind was swirling telling me to stop and give up.

I didn't though.

Instead I just broke.

Salty tears streaming down my face as my hands face planted into my eyes.

"I can't do this!" My voice screamed echoing through the empty house. My heart rate picking up, I sobbed louder and louder until only whimpers could be heard from me.

It's ok. I'm ok. Everything is ok.

I'm going to fine.

[End of flashback]

The music stopped and I sat up rubbing my eyes.

Shit.

My headphones died.

I pulled them out of my ears and put them in their case to charge. I tore my sheets off of me and got up.

The house was silent. Well expected since it's 2:00am now.

Pushing my door open, I walked over to the hallway's bathroom and turned the lights on.

The lights blinded me at first but I got used to it and grabbed for my toothbrush and started to do my very overdue nightly routine.

I spit out my toothpaste and grabbed for my face wash.

Before I applied it I looked down at the close up mirror. I almost popped a pimple but talked my self out of it.

When I was done I looked back up at myself in the mirror as words of my mom waved itself into my mind.

A lump began to rise in my thought but I pushed it done and thought to myself,

I'm going to be fine.

.......................................................

Ok this is one of the hardest chapters I've had to write for many reasons, I didn't want to offend anyone but also wanted to portray her character correctly. I see Taurus in many zodiac books played as the foodie character that always has a bag of chips in their mouth so i thought i would try and give a different perspective on that. I probably erased and started over around four times so hopefully the end product is pleasing! But just so you guys know the story won't all be sad and soppy there is going to be character development and people will change. Again I don't want to be crossing any boundaries or anything so if you did find something offensive please let me know so I can change that. Thank you guys love you💟💟