Nightmares Map Reality (Markimash) [#Wattys2015]

Chapter 2- Mutulation Out of Sight

Aaron's POV:
Minutes ago, my best friend gave me the best advice he could, yet I still feel trapped. I only hung up because I kept getting distracted by his voice, his complexion, his heart warming eyes...
He's always been there for me and still proves to be. Thinking of him makes my stomach feel uneasy and my chest hurt. I know this emotion and I'm terrified to accept it. I think I may have feelings towards him, but he'll never like me... A guy... He's not gay... Neither am I- or? I don't know what's anything anymore.
I'm scared to like him, because of what Jess had done to me: left me broken and alone, with nowhere to turn.
I can't really describe it but I think I have always liked him. Since the day I first met him, I enjoyed his voice, loathed the time we were apart, always thought of him first when something happened, and never realized. Never understood my true emotions due to society's standards, and our close friendship.
But what did he mean? What did he say about my life?

"Yami... your life should be the most important thing to you, because it is to me."

My life's importance has nothing to do with him, does it? He's probably just being a good friend.
I wish he were here. These sudden feelings are probably just the cause of Jess, once being my whole world, and crashing it down upon defenseless me.

As I stand here in silence, I can feel an abrupt pain in my chest. My chest feels as if somebody is sitting on it and I can hardly breathe: I long for Mark, and I miss him already.
I walk downstairs and into the kitchen for a drink before I lie down again. As I reach into the fridge and grab a soda, I prick my finger on the metal tab.

"Shit!" I cursed, staring in shock at my small limb: the miniature wound slowly dripping a deep red substance. Blood.
The blood flowed down my hand and dribbled onto the hardwood floor. As if guided by an unseen force, I reached into the drawer to my left, grabbed a knife, formally used for cooking, and held it to my wrist.

I want somebody to want me: Jess obviously didn't, and Mark doesn't, I'm just a burden to him. I want him here, to stop me, to help me, to love me... But that will remain in my imagination, like my heart will remain in his grasp.
I pull the knife across the first couple layers of my skin, as the blood flowed out and my eyes regained tears. With each cut, my sobs flowed rougher and the amount of blood increased; I winced at the sight of the bloody knife, and the cold sensation dancing across my skin.
By now, there are four open wounds on my left forearm, and my head hurt from constant sobbing. I fell to my knees and wept into my hands, dropping the knife on the floor next to me.

I felt as if I'd been crying for hours now but I can't seize what I can't control: my heart.
I can't even get over a break up without falling for my best friend, what kind of a person am I? A confused one.

"Worthless," I repeat to myself over and over again, "that's all I am, and all I'll ever be."
I extend my arm to grab the blade at my feet.
The world will praise the day I don't exist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Second Chapter! {don't hate me} As you can tell, this story will have a lot of sad-ish moments and a lot of twists and turns! Sorry it's short!! Do you think it's speed is okay?
Sometimes I ramble in my chapters so I apologize if you see that...

Last question:
Who if your favorite YouTuber?

apollo22500 - "Ugh, I have too many Youtubers just to pick one! It's like picking a favorite child, it's impossible!"
{Good choice of words, and same here}

@ExperimentSlasher - Jacksepticeye. I have a few others but I think he's my top favorite
{He's one of my favorites too}

@LillyMyers8 - I dunno...... I've a list I need to watch...

Come on guys, everyone can answer the questions!

I hope to see you, in the next chapter... Bye, bye!

~Red
Instagram: @markiplr