Sinbound

(9) The Piano

⚠️Trigger Warning - Self Harm⚠️

Alex stood there, hands clenched round the sink basin, staring into the mirror at the blood seeping from the cuts on her wrists.

She'd gotten just as used to feeling a razor blade against her skin as she had using them on others. She knew of the pain they were in when her blade slashed through the skin. But unlike them, she found comfort in it. It was a feeling of relief watching the blood seep from her skin.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to shout and scream. She would like for that to be her relief from stress and from tiredness. She didn't want to live like this, but she found it rather enjoyable.

Her logic was, if she hurt herself she had control. It meant when others hurt her it wouldn't be as painful, because she was used to it. She had conditioned herself to be used to pain.

It was a bad habit. But she never had good habits. She's never been one for positive coping mechanisms. Pain was her solace. Inflicting it and feeling it.

None of the cuts were ever deep enough for her to bleed out. But the opportunity. The opportunity was there for her. And that, to her, was thrilling. It sent a spark throughout her body. Give her a sense of life she could never find anywhere else.

She knew Polly would never approve of this. So it was one of only two secrets she has sworn to keep from her aunt. This and the reality of what had happened in France. What she had done. What she had seen. Just because she relives it every night, does not mean her aunt should also bear the burden of knowledge.

Power came from knowledge. But it could also come from ignorance. Ignorance to the emotions of those around you. Being unaware of their suffering, it means there's one less thing to weigh you down, one less thing that stops you from meeting your final goal.

-

"There's no way you can keep winning, you've got to be cheating somehow," Arthur complains, throwing his cards on the table as Alex wins at another round of poker.

"If you want to whine like a child, go and play snap with Finn," Alex responds, as Grace enters the room with a bucket of beer, "would you like whiskey as well?"

"No, just beer," Tommy says, his eyes roaming over the blonde Irish woman stood in front of him.

"Why not whiskey, Tommy? We expecting trouble?" Arthur questions, as John shuffled up all cards, "Jesus Christ, Tommy, what the hell made you let them sing? They sound like they're strangling cats out there."

Tommy checks his cards that John dealt out, as Grace walks out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

"No, but what did make you change your mind then, Tom?" Arthur asks.

Tommy glances towards the door and John laughs, "it's about time, Tommy."

"Time for what?" Tommy responds.

"Time you got yourself a woman," John states.

"Just play the bloody round," Tommy replies.

"You stay the way you are, Tom, remember what Dad used to say," Arthur says.

And at the mention of their father, Alex's mind goes cloudy. She doesn't hear what is said next. She only has images of many beatings he gave to her. They surrounded her mind.

Only when a gunshot is fired, does she snap out of it, raising from her seat. Soldiers instinct. Her hand goes to her gun, as she walks towards the door.

"Lex, it's fine," Tommy states, "you can put it away."

"Who the fuck is it?" Alex demands.

"I said is there any man here named Shelby?" A voice speaks loudly from outside the room.